


Accidentally

by YoungAndOverIntelligent (DarrenButt)



Category: Glee
Genre: Anderberry Siblings, Klaine, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 01:24:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15830877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarrenButt/pseuds/YoungAndOverIntelligent
Summary: Kurt should not be in love with his best friend's brother. That was something he would be able to live with if it weren't for a couple of accidents.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for parental death mentions.

_o-O-o_

Kurt was six years old when his best friend Rachel Berry got a step brother. Tiny, loud Rachel spent two whole months squealing and bragging to anyone that would listen that her daddies were getting her an older brother; one who would protect her and play with her all that she wanted. As Rachel’s best friend, Kurt couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous. He had never had to share Rachel with anyone before, as he was the only kid in their class who enjoyed playing with her. He started thinking that whoever this mystery brother her daddies were getting her would fill up all of her best-friend space and she wouldn’t need him anymore. She had always sounded so excited every time she talked about him.

Her attitude changed drastically when shy little Blaine Anderson joined the Berry household, however.

Blaine was hardly the big, tough brother Rachel had insisted on, Kurt thought on the first night he slept over the Berry household since their new addition. He was four whole years older than Kurt, but he was a lot smaller than all of the other third graders he had seen. And quiet- _very_ quiet. Kurt felt bad for how Rachel made him sit and watch her sing and dance at least three times every hour, but after each performance Blaine would clap politely and tell her how good she was. (Kurt wished he wouldn’t; he seemed to make Rachel even more annoying every time he did.)

But when Blaine wasn’t being tossed around by his new little sister, Kurt never saw him, save for at the dinner table. _He likes to be alone_ , Rachel’s Papa explained to him. _He’s been through a lot these past couple of months._

What Blaine went through, Kurt hadn’t found out for several years to come. Kurt’s mommy and daddy told him that it wasn’t polite of him to ask. Despite hardly ever seeing him, Kurt liked Blaine a whole lot and he was told that asking about it might make Blaine sad. Kurt liked his bowties, and Blaine would complement Kurt’s outfits in turn. That made Kurt smile. He didn’t want to make Blaine sad.

The first night that Kurt really got to be around Blaine, though, he would never forget. It was maybe the third time Kurt was supposed to sleep over since Blaine started living there, and Rachel was getting yelled at. She was, as Kurt’s daddy kindly put it, ‘ _a little spoiled’_ , and she had trouble listening to what her daddies told her to do. Earlier in the day, her daddies told her to clean her room before Kurt came over, but she hadn’t. She had started yelling back, which was something that had made Kurt really uncomfortable because you shouldn’t _do_ that; he couldn’t imagine yelling at his own parents. He knew to do what they told him because they know what’s best for him. Rachel was having a huge tantrum by the time her daddies took her out of the room to scold her so as to not do so in front of Kurt, but he could still hear them yelling from the other room.

He had his head over the Disney coloring book he and Rachel had been working on when he felt something tap his shoulder. He jumped, unaware anyone else was in the room, and was surprised to see Blaine.

“What are you working on?” Blaine asked.

“I’m coloring Prince Eric’s shirt,” Kurt answered solemnly, as he had been working on the same shirt since the argument started and had hardly gotten more than a few strokes of purple down on the paper.

Blaine frowned at him sadly. “I’m sorry you have to hear Rachel getting yelled at.”

Shrugging, Kurt didn’t know what to say. “It’s okay,” he settled on.

It was quiet for a little bit longer, and then Blaine pulled up a chair and sat down next to him at the kitchen table. Kurt jumped. He knew that he had to be careful around Blaine because Rachel said that he cried an awful lot, and Kurt didn’t know what he would do if Blaine had started crying. He knew to hug Rachel when she was sad, and one time his mommy was crying because her aunt died and all she wanted to do was hold him for a long time, but Rachel had specifically told him that Blaine liked to be alone when he was crying. He wouldn’t know what to do.

“You color the Prince, and I’ll color Ariel!” Blaine said, his voice a little brighter than Kurt had ever heard him, and Kurt wondered if maybe he wouldn’t have to worry about Blaine crying. “It can be a collaboration!”

“Collarbernation-?” Kurt stumbled over the new word.

“ _Col-lab-or-a-tion_ ,” Blaine repeated a little slower, and Kurt marveled at how smart Blaine was. “It means we can do one drawing together. It’s kind of like a duet, but for coloring.”

“Oh,” Kurt said, and then he handed over the box of crayons. Rachel had the 96 pack, which Kurt had been extremely jealous of because it had all of the fun colors.

They colored in silence, which was new to Kurt. He was used to Rachel’s constant talking, but he didn’t miss it. Instead, Kurt found himself smiling, wishing his hand was as steady as Blaine’s was at keeping the color inside of the lines. Blaine’s coloring, unlike Rachel’s always was, was sensible. He chose colors that looked really nice together; Kurt was glad he wasn’t the only one who cared about things like that.

Once Ariel and Eric were done, they started on Belle and the Beast. Kurt was halfway done with Belle’s dress when Rachel’s Daddy came into the kitchen. “Oh,” Rachel’s Daddy’s eyebrows drew up high on his forehead when he saw the two boys working together. He too was quiet for a little bit, but then he asked them, “What are you two drawing?”

“It’s a _collaboration_ ,” Kurt said, proud of himself. He held up the Ariel and Eric picture, which Blaine had carefully ripped out of the book because Kurt wanted to keep it.

“It’s a lovely picture,” Rachel’s Daddy said, and Kurt beamed.

Next to him, Blaine shrank in his chair.

Rachel’s Daddy sighed. “Kurt, Rachel’s in trouble tonight.”

Frowning, Kurt nodded. This wouldn’t be the first time he had to go home because Rachel couldn’t keep her behavior in check. He _really_ wanted to stay and color with Blaine some more. He packed up his things while Rachel’s Daddy called Kurt’s parents. Blaine met him in the hallway while Kurt waited for Rachel’s Papa to get ready to leave.

“You forgot our drawing on the table,” Blaine reminded him, handing him the paper, and Kurt saw something he had never noticed before. There was a line on Blaine’s collarbone, fresh and pink, that Kurt instantly identified as a scar. Kurt knew scars. He had one on his neck from when he had to get surgery, and also one on his knee from learning how to ride a bicycle with his dad over the summer.

Before he could stop himself, he reached out to touch it. “What happened?”

Blaine gasped, and flinched away quickly. Kurt immediately regretted it. “I… got hurt,” Blaine admitted sadly, pulling away.

“I’ve got one,” Kurt turned his neck to show it off. “I got it from surgery when I was four. It was really scary, but it means that I was strong enough to get better. Yours is already healing.”

Something in Kurt’s story made Blaine smile.

_o-O-o_

For a while after that, Kurt went over Rachel’s house very often. Rachel said that her daddies really liked having him over, and that made him blush. Blaine was still scarce around them when Rachel was there, but when he was around he was exceptionally nice to Kurt- even more so than before. Once Rachel noticed this, she got extremely jealous. Apparently, Blaine never offered to play with her when Kurt wasn’t there. She didn’t talk to Kurt for a whole week, until she missed having Kurt to play dress up with in their kindergarten class. Kurt was glad, because he felt horrible. He liked Blaine, and _really_ liked when they played together. Plus, Blaine was _four years_ older than them, which made Kurt feel cool. Not many kids around Kurt’s own age wanted to play with him.

Kurt always wondered about Blaine’s scar, but he knew not to ask. He wanted to ask a lot of questions about Blaine. It was around Christmas time when even more questions arose. Kurt, Blaine and Rachel were immersed in The Miracle on 34th Street while Rachel’s Daddies cooked dinner. There was a knock on the door.

The three of them barely heard it over the sound of the movie, and it wasn’t until Rachel’s Papa led the strange older boy into the living room that they turned their heads around, after Rachel’s Papa called out sweetly to Blaine, “Blaine, you have a visitor.”

The brightened look on Blaine’s face was instantaneous. “ _Cooper_!”

Blaine jumped into the man’s arms with more happiness than Kurt had ever seen him do anything, and the two didn’t stop hugging for a long time. Rachel’s daddies led Kurt and Rachel out of the living room and suggested they go and play up in Rachel’s room.

“Who was that?” Kurt asked her when they were alone.

“That’s Blaine’s brother Cooper,” she said, pulling out her Barbie dolls.

Kurt’s eyebrows scrunched together. “Blaine’s brother? Why doesn’t he live with you, too, then?”

Rachel went quiet. “I’m not supposed to tell you,” she admitted sadly.

“Oh,” Kurt’s shoulders dropped, feeling put-out.

At dinner, Kurt discovered that he liked Cooper a lot. He smiled and laughed often, and let Kurt tell him all about Kurt’s role as Hermey, the elf who wanted to be a dentist, in his class’s play about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. He also gave him some tips to help him not be nervous on stage for the next time. Something about Cooper was very fascinating, because he couldn’t stop looking at him.

Secretly, Kurt’s favorite thing about Cooper was how he made Blaine act. Blaine, the usually subdued boy, was jabbering excitedly a mile a minute to Cooper whenever he got the chance. Kurt had never seen such a true smile on Blaine’s face before; never heard the pretty, infectious noise that was Blaine’s real laughter until Cooper told him something that wasn’t even funny.

But Kurt didn’t get to hang out with Cooper or Blaine for the rest of the evening. Rachel’s Daddies told Kurt and Rachel to let them be alone for the night. Kurt had to leave early the next morning to go shopping with his Mommy, so he only saw the both of them quickly at breakfast, but they were still smiling and laughing into their waffles all the same.

_o-O-o_

Kurt wanted to know so much more about Blaine’s story, and how he came to live with the Berry’s even though his brother Cooper loved him so much. He wanted to know what happen to Blaine’s actual parents, and where that scar came from. But not at the price it came.

Kurt had just turned eight, and it was the summer between first and second grade when his Mommy got very sick. His Daddy took her to see a whole lot of doctors, and the Berry’s offered to watch Kurt while they were at her appointments.

Kurt spent a lot of time at the Berry’s that summer.

His Mommy was in the hospital often, and Kurt had started to worry that it wasn’t a normal sickness. She had a twitch in her hand that never stopped, and she was constantly knocking things over with it. One day, all of her beautiful, tawny hair was gone. Midway through the summer, his Mommy and Daddy sat him down to explain that her brain was sick. They told him that Mommy might not act very nice sometimes because of it; that the sickness in her brain could make her act very funny and mean and not like herself at all. They explained that the medicine to help her get better makes her whole body get sick, but it was for the better in the long run. They explained that it made her hair stop growing and fall out, so she had to shave it off.

“At least you know how Daddy feels, to be bald,” Kurt said, not knowing what to say after a long time of being quiet and listening to his parents speak so sadly. His parents didn’t stop laughing for a long time after that, tears slipping down their cheeks as they both hugged him at the same time.

Kurt’s Mommy was indeed different after that. A lot of times she yelled; other times she cried at every little thing. Occasionally she couldn’t stop laughing. But most of the time, she was yelling.

Kurt’s Daddy made sure to remind him every time that the yelling was not his Mommy, it was the sickness. He told him that his Mommy loved him very much, and Kurt knew that was true, but it was still hard to differentiate between the sickness and his Mommy when they both had the same body.

He was over the Berry’s house as much as he was at his own house the later it got into the summer. He didn’t like it at all. Rachel’s Daddies were always too nice, too careful around him. Even Rachel was less of her annoying self, concerned with Kurt’s happiness. Kurt knew what it all meant.

His Mommy’s sickness wasn’t getting better.

Toward the end of August, Kurt’s Mommy was in the hospital again. It was the first time his dad brought him along, and Kurt _knew_. He couldn’t stop crying on his way up to the hospital room. He tried to be quiet, but his dad stopped him right outside his mother’s room and knelt to the floor.

His eyes were rimmed with red and shining. Kurt’s never seen his dad cry before. “Listen, Buddy,” Burt said, his voice wavering in a way Kurt wished it wouldn’t. He had a lot of difficulty speaking. “You should go inside with your mother and… and sit with her for a bit.”

The tears overflowed endlessly. “I don’t _want_ to,” he said desperately. “I don’t _want_ to- _I don’t want to_ -”

Burt pulled his son into him, and Kurt buried his face into his father’s shoulder and sobbed. His shoulder smelled like his mother’s sickness, and even with his father’s strong arms around him, they were shaking; Kurt could feel the wetness in his hair. His father was clinging onto him too tight and crying too much for it to be comforting.

The Berry’s were at her funeral. Kurt was dressed in a nice suit, and it was hot even without the jacket on. They lowered her body into the ground and his father held his hand the entire time. They stayed long after everyone else left, even after the sun went down. Kurt wanted to go home, but Burt wasn’t finished staring at her gravestone. It made Kurt angry. It was just a stupid piece of rock.

The next couple of weeks were hard. Burt wandered around the house like he didn’t know what he was doing. Twice, Kurt had to make himself lunch because Burt forgot. Kurt felt angry all of the time, and he spoke out to Burt on several occasions, which he has never done before. School started, and Kurt didn’t want to go. He had to go to counseling every day and talk about things he didn’t want to talk about.

He ignored Rachel completely until one Saturday two weeks into the school year when his dad made him stay over her house so he could go to work. He protested that he wanted to stay home, but Burt was very stern and yelled when Kurt raised his voice.

Kurt even yelled at Rachel when he got there. She wouldn’t leave him alone after he told her he didn’t want to play with her dolls, and then she accidentally kicked the puzzle pieces he was organizing and he _really_ yelled at her. Rachel started crying, and her Dads started lecturing him, but he yelled at them too.

All he had been doing was yelling, and his throat was sore. Everything around him seemed dirty and unorganized and he wanted to be alone to fix it all. Rachel’s Papa told him that he was being mean, and Kurt screamed as loud as he could.

“I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE; I WANT TO GO _HOME_!”

The tears arrived, and Kurt hated them. He _hated_ this. He hated crying. He hated yelling. Rachel’s Papa sighed, but not unkindly. “I’ll call your dad, and see if we can take you home-”

He yelled, his voice hoarse and sore. “ _I DON’T_ HAVE _A HOME ANYMORE_.”

He ran as fast as he could and locked himself in their bathroom. He hadn’t cried so hard since his mother’s funeral. He hadn’t cried at _all_ since his mother’s funeral, he noticed. There was a knock on the door that Kurt would have ignored, if it weren’t for-

“Kurt? It’s Blaine. Can I come in?” Kurt scrubbed his eyes and let him in, making sure to lock the door again once he shut it. He tried his best to stop crying because he probably looked terrible, but the tears were unforgiving. “My parents died too,” Blaine stated bluntly, making Kurt hiccup in surprise. “Both of them. That’s why I have to live with the Berrys.”

Sniffling, Kurt waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. “What happened?”

“We got into a car crash. A truck hit us head-on,” his voice was more subdued than Kurt’s ever heard it. He rubbed at his collarbone. “A piece of glass got stuck in me, but other than that I was fine. But they… didn’t make it past the crash.”

Blaine was twelve, but he never felt more like Kurt’s age- younger, even. Blaine’s sniffle was quieter than Kurt’s were, and his tears less messy.

“Cooper was going into college. He wanted to keep me, and adopt me, but the social service people wouldn’t let him. He had only just turned eighteen and he was going into college, and they said that the best thing for me, since I was so young, was to get a foster family. It was also good for him, because he needed to focus on his work, and he was too young to raise me. He hated it. He fought it all that he could,” Kurt had no idea what to say. Blaine looked up at him with a watery smile. “He fought it up until my first day going to the orphanage. He was yelling at the lady who was going to take me when Hiram and LeRoy found us. They offered to take me in right then and there, and told Cooper that he could visit any time that he wanted even without notice, even though he shouldn’t have been allowed to. And then I came here.”

Kurt didn’t know what to do. He looked down at his hands and felt so guilty for acting out. Finally, he whispered, “Did you get angry too?”

“I got sad,” Blaine told him. “I got really sad. I thought about things that I shouldn’t have all of the time. My therapist told me that that was my way of grieving- with sadness. I’m still sad.”

“I don’t want to be angry,” Kurt admitted. “My dad’s been broken. It’s like he can’t-. Like he doesn’t work properly anymore.”

“That’s his way of dealing with her death,” Blaine explained simply. “Cooper told me that- that adults are just like us kids during these things. They need help sometimes, too.”

Kurt said nothing. He studied his hands, and the way they folded together on his lap. His Daddy was going through a hard time just like he was. Something hot dropped low in his belly when he realized that all of his acting out probably only made it worse for him. “Maybe… Maybe if I stopped acting so mean all of the time I could help my Daddy fix himself again.”

“It’s not going to be easy,” Blaine’s hand was on Kurt’s knee, and Kurt jumped at the touch. Blaine kept it there, despite it. “It’s taken me a long time, getting over my sadness. But you don’t have to do it by yourself. I can help you. And Rachel wants to help too; I know she has a funny way of showing it, but you’ve known her longer than I have to know that she means well. We don’t want you to be angry anymore.”

The tears, which had stopped for a little bit, picked up again. He nodded in understanding. He yelled at Rachel a lot earlier, and he felt terrible about it. He made her cry. Best friends shouldn’t do that to each other. When he looked back up, it was to find Blaine studying him hard, looking like he had more to say.

A flush of heat went to Kurt’s cheek. “Earlier, you said that you didn’t feel like you had a home,” Blaine said, his voice oddly high and cracking. This was obviously something difficult for him to say. “But Kurt, you have a dad who loves you, who’s still here to hold you and- and take care of you. I know everything feels different now, but you still have him, and you still have your home.” He ducked his head to let his tears fall.

Overwrought with guilt, Kurt tried to say something, to tell Blaine that _he had a home, too, and please don’t cry_. But the words got caught up in a big mess in his throat and he choked on them. He felt utterly useless, sitting there and crying about himself when Blaine had been so strong trying to help him, when he was the one who needed help.

Reaching a hand out to touch Blaine’s face, Kurt wiped Blaine’s tears away, just like Kurt’s mother used to do. She used to always find a way to make him laugh until he couldn’t be sad anymore, but Kurt didn’t feel very funny. Blaine seemed thankful, either way.

A knock on the door startled both of them.

“Kurt, Buddy? Will you let me in?”

It was his dad. Panic and hot, hot shame coursed through Kurt’s middle. His dad had come to take him home even though he should be at work. He felt terrible for causing a scene in the Berry’s house, and even worse for making his father come all of this way because of it.

He looked at Blaine with wide, frightened eyes and shook his head. “I don’t want to,” he said, barely doing more than mouthing the words.

“He doesn’t sound mad,” Blaine whispered back, sniffling. Kurt wished that he _had_ sounded mad.

Getting off of the toilet seat, Kurt tiptoed over to the door and slowly unlocked it. He pulled the door open and did his best to not look up at his father’s face. This proved difficult when Burt knelt down on the ground before him and cupped his cheek. “Hey,” he said softly. Kurt definitely wanted him to yell.

The guilt was overwhelming. The tears welled up and spilled over, and before he knew it he had his face buried in his father’s shoulder and was sobbing again. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated, over and over again. “I’m so sorry!”

“Kurt, you don’t have to be sorry,” his father told him, but Kurt knew he was just saying that.

“Y-Yes I d-do!” Kurt insisted. He pulled away from the shoulder. “I’ve b-been yelling at everyone all of the t-time and I-I made Rachel _cry_ -”

“Kurt, this isn’t your fault,” Burt’s voice was firm, but very sad. Kurt wiped his cheek with his sleeve and tried to stop rambling. “Yes, it’s wrong of you to yell and make people cry, and you _know_ that it’s wrong. But you’re just a kid. And you’re confused and hurt, and it’s supposed to be my job to help you through it. I’ve been a horrible dad.”

Kurt’s lower lip trembled. He wiped away the lone tear drop on his father’s cheek, too. “You’re the _best_ dad.”

Burt chuckled humorlessly. “I haven’t been acting like it lately.”

Sniffling, Kurt rubbed his eye, itchy from over-usage. “Sometimes adults are just like us kids. They need help, too.”

A smile cracked on Burt’s face, and the chuckle had more life in it this time. “When did you get so grown up?” What started out as light grew oddly heavier as Burt finished his sentence. Kurt shrugged. It looked like Burt was going to cry again. “We’re going to get through this together, kiddo, okay?” Burt told him, his large hand falling onto Kurt’s scrawny shoulder and squeezing tightly.

Nodding, Kurt let out a big breath.

“Come on,” Burt said, his voice airier as he stood up. “Let’s go home. We can make some of those cheesecake cookies you make so well.” Kurt found himself truly smiling for the first time in weeks. He was about to follow his dad out, when he remembered Blaine, who was still back in the bathroom sitting on the toilet seat.

He threw his arms around Blaine and held onto him tightly for a moment, and when he pulled back, he found he didn’t have any words to say. Blaine smiled at him, a little less sad. Kurt desperately wished he could help Blaine as much as Blaine helped him. “I’m going to come over next weekend, okay?” he promised. Blaine nodded, smiling more.

Kurt met Rachel out in the living room and apologized profusely. Her eyes were still red, and she was wary around him at first, but soon enough she had her arms around him, and Kurt had to tell her several times that he didn’t hate her at all. He also apologized to Mr. and Mr. Berry for yelling at them and causing a scene, and tried not to cry from the sheer shame and guilt as he did it.

Over the next several weeks, Kurt acted more and more like himself. He played at recess with Rachel and watched movies with his dad. Over the weekend, Kurt played Barbies with Rachel and convinced her to let Blaine play with them, too, even though she told him that Blaine was too old. Indeed, Blaine was quiet and didn’t add much to the riveting storyline of their game, but Kurt liked his company.

And he desperately wanted to show Blaine that he had a home, too.

_o-O-o_


	2. Chapter 2

_o-O-o_

While Kurt and Blaine’s friendship stemmed from there, the awkward aging had started to show. Blaine was 14 and in _high school_ when Kurt was still only 10 years old and just starting middle school. He was going to be going to school dances, like the ones Kurt had seen on TV and in movies with the tuxes and pretty dresses. Frankly, Kurt was jealous.

Kurt was there the night of Blaine’s first school dance. He was taking another _boy_ to the dance, and something about that made Kurt’s belly flip all over itself and he wasn’t sure why. Blaine was dressed in a chic white dress shirt and a fashionable tie with a red stripe that Kurt suggested. Rachel had tried to get him to wear this _awful_ jacket with it, and Kurt was thankful when Blaine heeded his advice to forgo it, with a note to Rachel, “Rach, no offence, but I kind of trust Kurt’s fashion advice a bit more than I trust yours,” which made Kurt preen.

Rachel pouted, her eyebrows drawn together bitterly. Kurt leaned in toward her, “Maybe if you throw out those cat sweaters you’d be more credible.”

“I think I’m going to fire you as my consultant tonight,” she slewed. Rachel, upset that she still had to wait another four years before she could go to a dance, had gotten her dads to buy her some dresses and makeup and was going to humor herself by getting dolled up as if she was going to one anyway.

“Then you, Miss Rachel Berry, will have a horrible mock-dance tonight,” Kurt said truthfully, which earned him a childish tongue stuck out at him.

Blaine was checking himself over for the umpteenth time in the large mirror hanging on Rachel’s door. “Does it look good? Does it fit?” he worried out loud, his nerves obviously getting to him.

“Stop it,” Kurt scolded, smacking Blaine’s hands where they started pulling on the cuffs of his shirt. He fixed them back into place. “You look great, and if you doubt that you do, I will take personal offense to it.”

Blaine smiled at him gratefully, and Kurt felt a weird thump in his chest.

“Aw, Blainey’s _nervous_ about looking good for his _boyfriend_ ,” Rachel singsonged from her bed, where she lay on her belly, kicking her feet.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Blaine insisted. “He’s just one of my friends who happens to be the only other out kid in the school. And I’m not- not nervous because of that, it’s just…” he mumbled off something incoherent. Kurt’s lips pursed, and he began picking stray lint off of Blaine’s shoulder. “Do you think I need more gel? I think I need more gel-”

The doorbell rang downstairs, and Blaine’s eyes looked like they were trying to fly out of his skull. Blaine’s date- Adam or Andrew or something- looked far too generic for Kurt’s taste. He could tell the tie was bought from Target. Definitely not worthy to be Blaine’s date. But Blaine sauntered away out of the door (after LeRoy and Hiram got their fill of pictures, of course) with Adam-or-Andrew, still looking nervous, but happy.

The next two hours consisted of Rachel trying on every dress she owned, new and old, and trying to find the workings of a tube of eyeliner. Kurt helped her figure out the hair curlers and advised her away from the electric blue eye shadow.

“I think the eyeliner has to be closer to your lashes,” Kurt said, and Rachel _humph_ ed and started scrubbing the messed up line with a tissue.

“Makeup is hard,” she jutted her bottom lip out. “You’re lucky you don’t have to worry about it.”

“You don’t have to worry about it yet either,” Kurt pointed out. “You’re only ten.”

She placed her hands on her hips dignifiedly. “I have to learn it _sometime_.”

“Here, give it to me,” she handed him the tube of dark brown eye liner, and he held her face steady and went in to do it for her. He barely got one stroke in before she flinched away. “Stop moving,” he told her.

“You’re poking me in the eye!”

“I’m poking your eye _lid_. Which is kind of the whole point.”

He did one eye then the other, trying to keep the lines as straight and even as he could. He didn’t do a bad job, he realized when he pulled back. Rachel studied his work in the mirror in awe. Kurt preened again, his smile strong until, “You know, if I didn’t consider you so much as a brother, I’d want to be your girlfriend.”

Before he could stop himself, Kurt’s face scrunched in disgust.

Rachel turned around to him, offended. “ _Hey_!”

“Sorry,” he said immediately, feeling kind of bad. No matter how hard he tried, though, his nose still wrinkled as he thought it over.

“Are you telling me that if we weren’t so much like brother and sister, you wouldn’t want to date me?” She seemed mad, but not _really_ mad, like she was actually hurt.

“Um. No?” Kurt admitted truthfully. _Dating Rachel Berry_. That was just… _wrong._ But why was it wrong? What was so bad about it? Rachel was nice, once you got to know her, and actually kind of pretty. Maybe if she was just a little less… well, actually, “I think I get annoyed by you enough as your best friend. I can’t imagine what being your boyfriend would do to my stress levels.”

She smacked him playfully, smiling as she rolled her eyes. Kurt didn’t think about that conversation for years to come. Because that night, unfortunately, marked something much more memorable.

They spent the next hour watching a movie downstairs with Rachel’s dads until the phone rang. LeRoy answered it discreetly in the other room; the other three hardly even noticing he had gone. He came back in the room, looking pale.

“Blaine’s in the hospital,” he announced to the room.

All four of them were in distress. Kurt felt like he was numb as LeRoy explained about a concussion and how Blaine hadn’t woken up yet, how paramedics and the police think it was an assault. All he could think about was how this _couldn’t_ happen to Blaine, how could this happen to _Blaine_? Blaine who was so good, Blaine who went through so much, who’s helped _Kurt_ through so much. It didn’t feel real. Why would someone assault Blaine?

Hiram and LeRoy were too frazzled to notice that Rachel and Kurt had gotten into the car with them, which Kurt was glad for. Blaine meant as much to him as he did to them. They got to the hospital and were forced to sit in the waiting room, and LeRoy offered to call Kurt’s father to come pick him up. “I would really like to stay,” Kurt said softly, wondering if he was overstepping his boundaries.

They called his dad anyway to let him know where his child was, but didn’t have the heart to make him leave. They waited for two hours together before a doctor came in and spoke to Rachel’s dads. Rachel’s hand, which had been glued to his since the car ride, gripped hard. Kurt gripped back. It was strange to witness her being so quiet.

The doctor walked away and Rachel’s parents ushered them to follow. As they walked to Blaine’s room, Hiram explained. “He only just woke up from a short coma, so he’s going to be delirious. Rachel, I’m going to need you to not bombard him with questions and hugs just yet.”

Blaine was no longer in the nice outfit Kurt had picked out for him for the dance, but instead in the standard light green hospital smock Kurt had a horrible, unpleasant memory of. His head was bandaged up and his skin pasty in the exact same way he remembered her being. His eyes had been resting, but he sensed the large movement in the room and opened them blearily. He trained his sight on everyone in the room individually, and Kurt swore it doubled back at him quickly. He was trying not to look for too long. The first thing Blaine said, in that raspy, tired voice, was, “I hear Alex was okay.”

The Berrys were all crying, but Kurt was trying to not be sick.

They talked about how Blaine was feeling (“Like a train wreck”) and what part of him hurt the most (“My head feels like it’s concaved inward”).  Kurt heard it all as though underwater past the rushing in his ears. Everything about the room, the smell, Blaine’s injuries was choking him and making him feel like he couldn’t breathe. He tried to focus on something comforting, but everything from the tiled floor to the beeping of the monitor was dizzying, or maybe that was because it was so hard to breathe-

“Kurt?” Blaine called out to him, his tired, weak voice worrisome. Kurt wished he wouldn’t speak like that.

“I-I think I want to go home.”

_o-O-o_

Blaine was released from the hospital two days later, and Kurt chose the day after to go see him for specific reasons. He knew that after school on Mondays Rachel had ballet class and her fathers both had work late. He wanted to talk to Blaine alone; at first he hoped Blaine didn’t mind, but then he realized who he was talking about and rolled his eyes. Blaine never minded.

The Berry’s lived on the other side of the block, so after getting clearance from his father that he had finished his homework, he made his way over. Kurt knocked on the door politely, hoping Blaine wasn’t asleep or something. A moment later, the door swung open. “Kurt?” said Blaine, his head still wrapped up, though thankfully with a lot less bandage. There was still bruising around his right eye. “Rachel’s at ballet.”

“I know,” Kurt said, feeling small. “I came here to see you.”

“Oh,” Blaine said, taken aback. He opened the door the rest of the way and let Kurt inside. Kurt slipped off his shoes, feeling awkward. He followed Blaine into the living room where it looked like Blaine had been reading a book on the couch before Kurt interrupted him.

He had a lot of things he wanted to apologize for and questions that he wanted to ask, but he didn’t know how to state them. He always blanked out when he tried to talk seriously to Blaine. Blaine was so much older and more mature than he was, and Kurt looked up to that and wanted so badly to show Blaine that he could be mature like him, too. He didn’t ever want to make a fool of himself by sounding childish.

“You came here to apologize, didn’t you,” Blaine spoke for him when he saw that Kurt was having trouble.

Kurt looked down at his hands and felt his face grow hot. “I really wanted to be with you in the hospital, but I couldn’t do it.” His eyes started to prickle, and it only made him feel worse. Crying was for little kids.

“It reminded you of your mother, didn’t it?” Kurt was scrubbed his fingernail with the pad of his thumb. There was a smudge of pen mark on it that was bothering him. “Kurt,” Blaine’s voice was soft. He placed a gentle hand over where Kurt was fiddling his hands. “Look at me.” Kurt did, and wished he didn’t have to. “Kurt, you’re ten years old. You don’t have to act so grown up,” Blaine said, and Kurt has never felt younger or more foolish. “I understand that being in the hospital room was hard for you, and you have no reason to be ashamed of it.”

“I wanted to be there for you,” Kurt explained, his voice cracking.

“You’re here now, aren’t you?” Blaine reminded him with an infectious smile. Rolling his eyes, Kurt composed himself. “Now come watch a musical with me. I can’t decide if I want movie versions or Broadway bootleg versions.”

Getting up, Blaine began rifling through the endless DVDs and VHSs that was the Berry Musical Collection. Kurt smiled to himself, feeling much better. But then he remembered the questions he wanted to ask. The smile faded. “Blaine?” Kurt beckoned quietly. Blaine turned to him over the shoulder with an eyebrow popped. “…Why did you get beat up?”

Blaine froze. Kurt had a moment of panic where he wondered if that question was wrong to ask, but then Blaine walked over and sat back down on the couch next to him.

“Um… Kurt,” Blaine took a deep, shuddering breath. “You… know how you have bullies in school? The kids who pick on you?” Kurt nodded. Kurt had been picked on by other kids since he first started kindergarten. It was awful, and some days Kurt didn’t feel like going to school because of it, but his mother always told him to value his education. “Well, I have them too.”

The intake of breath Kurt gave was involuntary. Blaine was so wonderful and so good; he couldn’t imagine someone picking on him. How could somebody be so mean to someone who is so nice? He furrowed his eyebrows and tried to make sense of it all, but nothing came.

“See, Kurt, some people… they don’t like the fact that I like boys the way that they think I should like girls,” Blaine explained gently, and Kurt’s eyebrows only furrowed deeper. “I know, it’s actually kind of silly, isn’t it?” Blaine said when he noticed Kurt’s expression. “They don’t understand it. And sometimes, when people don’t understand things, they get mad. They try to pressure me into liking girls just so that it’s easier for them to understand. And that’s wrong.” Blaine suddenly got very serious, looking Kurt straight in the eye. “You know that’s wrong, right Kurt? There’s nothing wrong with boys liking boys.”

Kurt was taken aback by Blaine’s seriousness. “Obviously,” Kurt pointed out. “Hiram and LeRoy are in love. Why would that be a bad thing? Why do they think that’s bad?”

“They just don’t understand it,” Blaine repeated, his weird bout of seriousness ebbing away. “Some people are just set in old ways and they don’t like things to be different than what they want the world to be.”

Quietly, Kurt added, “But they beat you up for it.”

“Yes they did,” Blaine nodded, turning to the TV. “And I’m just as gay as I was before, aren’t I?”

The laugh Kurt was about to make faded. _Gay_.

He had been called that by his bullies before.

_o-O-o_

It took him two years after that conversation for Kurt to actually _notice_.

Ever since Blaine’s assault, Blaine wanted to learn to defend himself, so he took up boxing. The effects of his work started to show, and suddenly the skinny, small fourteen-year-old boy was bulking up into a well-defined sixteen-year-old. Even then, it took a specific moment for Kurt to fully grasp just how _well-defined_ he had actually become.

It wasn’t even that note-worthy of a moment. Or at least, it shouldn’t have been. He, Blaine and Rachel were all sitting up in Blaine’s room playing Super Smash Bothers on Blaine’s old GameCube. He and Blaine were quite good at it, but Rachel, bless her heart, sucked. She had horrible reaction time and hand-eye-coordination, and she was a hell of a sore loser, to boot.

After one particular blow from Kurt’s character, her character’s last life flew off of the screen with an explosion.  “ _KUUURT_ ,” she whined, and she began shove Kurt’s arm bitterly.

“Rachel, stop!” Kurt complained, although he was laughing. “You’re messing me up!” She then lied down on the bed and began pushing him with her legs until he was pressed right up against Blaine’s side. He dropped his controller and had to bring a hand up to steady himself.

Right on Blaine’s bicep.

It was like a bolt of electricity flipped something on inside of him. The arm under his hand was strong and bulging in all of the right ways. The entire side of Kurt’s body that was pressed into Blaine’s was lit with something that tingled and heated and made Kurt blush to the ends of his hair. It was suddenly too hot and too much all at once. Rachel kept pushing against him, pushing him closer and closer until Kurt had to put his hand on the bedding over Blaine’s lap to steady himself.

“Rachel!” Blaine spoke, and the deep vibrations seeped into Kurt’s bones. _God, had Blaine’s voice always sounded so-? So-?_

Blaine moved from under him to behind him to nowhere near him, attacking Rachel with flickering fingers across her belly that made her laugh loudly. Kurt tried to pull himself back together, but everything had felt so- so _different_ all of a sudden. He was hyperaware of Blaine’s body, Blaine’s laughter, Blaine’s everything. He had to excuse himself to the bathroom to calm down.

He paced around in his confusion. What was he feeling? He could still feel the ghost of Blaine’s muscle moving right under his palm and that memory- made him shiver. He felt weird. And then he realized: he wanted to feel _more_ of it. He wanted to feel Blaine’s muscles again. He wanted to be near him again. He wanted to hear him laugh more and hang out with him more. Those last two weren’t even anything new; he had always wanted those things, but they suddenly felt so different. But didn’t that mean…?

 _Oh_. Kurt realized.

Kurt had always admired Blaine. Kurt had always wanted to see him smile and be around him and make him happy. He had always thought that Blaine was attractive. Blaine made him blush a lot.

Except now he realized a spark that ignited along with those feelings; was it new, or had it always been there? Something deeper and more mature, and also a hell of a lot more baffling. It made Kurt’s palms sweat and his lower belly tingle. For a quick moment, Kurt became innately excited. This was thrilling and new, and it gave Kurt butterflies in his tummy that fluttered and pounced and made him smile.

But then the words came back to him; the ones he had been taunted with in school for years.

And he was scared.

_o-O-o_

Kurt harbored the knowledge of what he was to himself for two years. He noticed how much Blaine made him smile every time they were together, and he was almost positive that Blaine smiled more to him than to anyone else he’s seen. He was also positive that Rachel was clueless about the crush, for which he was grateful. Best friends’ brothers were off limits, weren’t they? He was scared to talk to her about it. He was scared to talk to anyone about it, actually.

They started high school in the fall, and for the first time ever he was in the same educational building as Blaine. Blaine helped him with his locker (they were trickier than the middle school ones) and told him not to believe any upperclassmen who try to tell him that his class is on the third floor, as there was no third floor to the building (“In fact, don’t believe anything upperclassmen tell you at all for the first few weeks,” he advised).

High school was tough. The seniors were big and intimidating, and the sophomores seemed to like to take every chance they got to pick on the freshman. He supposed that that was the procedure; the bullied becoming the bullies to ensure dominance as soon as they can. Kurt seemed to be having it especially rough.

It was the end of the first week when Kurt felt the first cold, merciless slap to the face that was a slushie. Blaine had told him about the slushies, but for some reason Kurt didn’t think they would be that big of a problem. It always sounded too cartoonish to be real. But then he had red dye #6 staining his new jacket and burning into his cornea. He texted Blaine on his brand new cell phone, and a few minutes later Blaine was ushering him into a bathroom and wiping off the bits of melted ice off of Kurt’s nose with a big towel.

“That was _horrible_ ,” Kurt cried, shaking from the cold.

“You tell me who did that to you, and I will take care of it, okay?” Blaine said, angrier than Kurt had ever heard him.

“I don’t know his name,” he admitted. “I think he’s in my grade, but he was a lot bigger than me.”

Sighing, Blaine placed his hands on Kurt’s arms and rubbed soothingly. That little fire inside of Kurt ignited. “Anything like that happens again and you let me know right away. If you can get any details of his face, I can work off of that.”

“Thank you,” Kurt told him, his eyes glossing over as Blaine smiled at him. Blaine always _cared_ for him so much; he always looked after him. Moments like that made Kurt certain that Blaine felt for him the same way he felt for Blaine. He was always so nice to Kurt, and protective. And Blaine was gay, too, so would it be too much for Kurt to assume that the lingering shoulder touches were nothing? Kurt was sure they couldn’t be nothing.

At least, not until a month later.

It was a Thursday, one that Kurt had been looking forward to for over a week. Blaine had promised him that they were going to go to the mall to look for an outfit Blaine could wear for the speeches he had to make to become Senior Class President. Blaine had been busy with all of the clubs that he was in, and his campaign was coming along great; he was the top candidate. But it was taking up a lot of his time. The only times he had seen Blaine was during their lunch period and briefly when he stuck his head in Rachel’s room to say hi before leaving to catch up with some friends of his own.

Glad that they were going to be without Rachel’s company for once, Kurt practically skipped into the empty Berry household. He had been scolded on so many occasions for knocking that it had become second nature to waltz in as if he paid half of the mortgages. The downstairs was empty. He had expected Blaine to be downstairs, ready to go as he always was, but he supposed it would be normal for Blaine to get lost in a book up on his bed or something and forget. Actually, that was definitely something Blaine would do.

He knocked twice on Blaine’s door and let himself in. “Blaine, are-”

It felt exactly like the slushie did- _worse_ , even- to see Blaine with his shirt tucked up to his armpits, his normally well-controlled hair disheveled, and face flush as another body, one Kurt had never seen before, was hovering closely and sucking on his neck. The last thing Kurt’s saw before he slammed the door shut was Blaine’s eyes going wide at him. The heat of Kurt’s face was starting to spread all of the way down his neck. He felt so _stupid_. Of course Blaine would pick someone else over him. Blaine was-

Blaine was a _catch_. He was sweet and attractive and smart and funny and _eighteen_. Why would he want some stupid fourteen-year-old? Why would he see Kurt in more than a platonic way? _Who are you kidding? He doesn’t even see you in a platonic way; you’re just his younger sister’s annoying best friend whom he feels obligated to be nice to._

“Kurt- wait!” Blaine called after him right as Kurt reached the bottom step. “Kurt, stop, please-”

Turning around on his heel, Kurt couldn’t help the bite in his tone. “No, Blaine, it’s fine. You just- I’ll just leave, it’s fine.”

“Kurt, come on, please just talk to me for a minute,” Blaine caught up to him, and he looked even worse up close. There was a mark on his neck that kept pulling Kurt’s focus and only made him angrier. “I know you’re freaking out, please let’s just talk.”

But his honey eyes were sincere and sorry, and Kurt had never been able to resist them. He crossed his arms and waited for Blaine to talk.

“Kurt… what were you doing here?” He chose to ask first.

A familiar burning sensation appeared behind his eyes. Blaine forgot about him; he never forgot about anything. “We were supposed to go shopping,” Kurt answered with a voice softer than he intended it to be.

Blaine stared at him blankly for a moment. “We said we were going on Thursday.”

“It _is_ Thursday.”

“It’s-” Blaine started, but he stopped himself. His eyes went wide again with horror, and he reached into his pocket to verify the date on his phone. “ _Shit_ ,” he cursed, and Kurt flinched. Blaine didn’t curse often; in fact, Kurt had only ever heard him curse maybe once in their entire six years of knowing each other, and that was when he dropped an entire bottle of ink on one of his favorite bowties. “Oh, Kurt, I’m so sorry. I thought that today was- I’ve just been so _busy_ -”

“Obviously you’ve been a lot busier than I realized,” Kurt mumbled unfairly, and Blaine’s face tinted red. Kurt felt bad, because he knows he shouldn’t be blaming Blaine, that he had no right to assert himself into that area of Blaine’s life, but the wound was still fresh.

The silence fell for a moment after Kurt said it, and then Blaine started, “Look, Kurt, I’m-”

“ _Blaaiine_ ,” a sing-songy voice rang from atop of the stairs. “What are you doing? Are you ditching me for a twelve-year-old?”

Kurt saw Blaine’s jaw clench. “He’s _fourteen_ , Sebastian, and he’s my friend. I need to talk to him-”

The boy’s, Sebastian’s, laugh was cold and barking. “You’re friends with a fourteen-year-old?!”

“ _Is there a problem with that_?” Blaine’s voice had gone growly and protective, and Kurt’s bones rattled. This side of Blaine was sort of new to him.

Sebastian raised his hands innocently. “Whoa, hey, babe. I don’t actually care.”

Blaine’s chest was still rumbling, however, when he commanded, “Just go back inside, Sebastian,” and the other boy disappeared back toward the area of Blaine’s room with his eyes rolling.

Once he was gone, Kurt had an eyebrow raised. “Really, Blaine?”

“He’s-” Blaine looked like he was going to try to defend him for a moment, but he faltered an excuse. “He’s an asshole, I know; I can’t really stand him myself.”

“Then why are you dating him?”

“Oh, god, no, I’m not dating him. I’m not _insane_ ,” Blaine said quickly. “Besides, I would have told you if I was dating someone.”

Kurt pulled back from where Blaine rested his hand on his arm. “Then why the hell were you doing that with him?!” he asked, appalled.

A small smile was fighting its way onto Blaine’s face. “Kurt, there isn’t anything wrong with doing those things with people you aren’t dating.”

“Yes there is,” Kurt insisted.

“Kurt,” Blaine was using that tone that Kurt hated. It made him feel like a kid. “Do you know how many available gay men worthy of dating there are around here?” Kurt didn’t say anything. “Not very many. Sometimes, it gets a little lonely. What we were doing is a natural thing, and you don’t have to be afraid of it.”

Kurt’s eyes went wide. “I’m not afraid of it,” he lied hurriedly.

Blaine raised an eyebrow. “Kurt, there was a reason I stopped you from leaving, you know. I knew you were going to freak out. I know _you_ , remember?”

There was a thunderous rushing in Kurt’s ears. He shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Kurt, come on,” Blaine pressed. He crossed his arms and the shining in his eyes sparkled. “We tell each other everything, don’t we?”

 _Tell each other everything_. The rushing in Kurt’s ears grew louder. That was true. Rachel was his best friend, officially and on paper, but there were some things Kurt knew Rachel wouldn’t be the best person to trust certain information with. Blaine was also so much of a better listener. He was the one who knew about Kurt’s insecurities around his mother’s death and his bullying, and Blaine had trusted him with details of the car crash that killed his parents.

To that day, Kurt could only recall two things he’d never told Blaine. After this, there was no way he could tell Blaine about his crush- absolutely _no way_.

Or maybe there was?

Would it really be so bad if Kurt told Blaine that he thought he was cute and sweet and so, so smart? What if something came of it? What if-

“Kurt?” Blaine’s eyebrows drew together worriedly. “We _do_ tell each other everything, don’t we?”

Sebastian’s voice mocking Kurt’s age rang in his ears. Blaine was eighteen. He was _four years_ older than Kurt was; of course nothing would come from Kurt telling him about a crush. Blaine would just laugh at him, not unkindly, but as if he was just a little kid. Because that’s what he _was_ : a little kid. He would laugh and play it off, tell Kurt that he was really flattered and that it was _so nice of him to think that_.

He met Blaine’s eye, and he knew Blaine knew something was wrong. “Kurt?”

“I guess I… haven’t been totally honest this whole time,” he found himself saying guiltily. Because even if Kurt couldn’t tell him about his crush, there was something that had been a long time coming.

“Oh,” Blaine sounded hurt from Kurt’s confession. The hand was back on his arm, and Kurt let it stay. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I really thought you knew that.”

“I _do_ know that,” Kurt trembled. His throat felt tight all of a sudden, and his belly was quaky and tight with nerves. “It’s just- Blaine-…” He tried to swallow but his mouth felt dry. He looked into Blaine’s eyes, because he knew he could find courage there, even then they looked so anxious.

“I-I’m gay.”

Blaine blinked twice, the information dripping in slowly at first. Then, a wide, almost worrisomely excited grin took over his expression. The hand on Kurt’s arm squeezed. “Thank you _so much_ for telling me, Kurt,” Blaine’s eyes were practically shining, and Kurt was suddenly pulled into a crushing hug. Kurt held his breath through it, because he didn’t think he could stand Blaine’s smell combined with the way he looked and their closeness. He did allow himself to hug back, though.

When Blaine pulled back, it was to find his eyes a bit more watery. “How long have you known?”

Kurt couldn’t quite fight off the smile that tugged at his lips. “Um… a c-couple of years.”

“A couple of _years_?” Blaine said incredulously, and his smile faltered. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

 _I thought my crush would be more obvious that way_. “I guess I was just… scared.”

Blaine laughed lightly. “I’ve been there. I’m glad you came out on your own time,” he sighed, and rubbed Kurt’s arm like he always does. “But you don’t have to be scared to be who you are.”

Kurt scoffed. “I already get bullied enough, Blaine.”

“And look at the amazing sense of wit it gave you,” Blaine joked, paused, and then dropped his voice. “They can’t change you, Kurt. No one can take this away from you.” And Kurt’s smile cracked. He felt a thousand times lighter. Blaine knowing Kurt was a security blanket.

“Blaine?” he said, remembering something. His eyebrow raised in return. “How long have _you_ known? About me?”

Blaine’s mouth fell into an ‘O’, and then his lips quirked upwards a little nervously. “Oh, um… maybe a bit longer than a couple of years.” He felt a strange crushing in his chest. Did _everyone_ know? Was it that noticeable that people knew before even he did? Blaine caught Kurt’s look, and quickly covered himself. “Well, actually, I only knew because your crush was so obvious.”

Kurt’s face dropped. He could feel the world around him going black and the rushing in his ears returned. “ _What_?” Kurt said, failing to hide his distress.

Blaine was smiling, and that only made Kurt feel like disintegrating into the floor. It was getting hard to breathe. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you are hardly… _subtle_ with your crushes.”

“ _I am so sorry_ ,” Kurt said, absolutely mortified with himself. He couldn’t bring himself to look anywhere in Blaine’s direction. _God, he was so stupid. So, so stupid, why did he have to be so stupid-?_

“Kurt, you don’t have to be sorry; it’s not weird-”

“What do you _mean_ it’s not weird- it is totally, totally weird-”

“Kurt, if it was weird every time someone had a crush on my brother I would probably have had an aneurism by now.”

“I- _what_?!” Kurt couldn’t help but stare up at Blaine in shock.

“Cooper? Everyone has a crush on him, Kurt. It’s kind of old news to me by now. Even Rachel is enamored with him, and that’s like fifty times weirder than _you_ crushing on him,” Kurt couldn’t believe it. Blaine thought that Kurt had a crush on _Cooper_ \- well, Kurt _did_ have a crush on Cooper, but that was so not the point.

His heart slowly returned to beating at its normal rate. The scare of Blaine finding out about his crush had taken a lot out of him, but he was safe again. “So it’s… not weird?” he played along, hoping to cover up his little freak out.

“Of _course_ not,” Blaine reassured him. “Just do me a favor and don’t ever tell him about it. His head is big enough as it is.”

“Deal,” Kurt agreed seriously. Blaine’s smile grew wide again, and Kurt couldn’t help smiling back. The moment lasted and lasted, and Kurt realized that he really liked having Blaine there to ground him, and he liked knowing that whatever Blaine knew about him, he was there to stay. But the crush…

Well, it was just a silly crush, wasn’t it? It wasn’t important, really. It wasn’t worth bothering him with.

“ _Blaaiine_ ,” the sing-songy voice was back, a lot less patient now. Blaine’s smile dropped.

He huffed, clearly annoyed. “Change of plans, Sebastian,” he called up the stairs. “I already promised I’d go out today.”

Sebastian ran down the stairs, his eyes squinting suspiciously. “Wait, you’re not _actually_ serious right now, are you? You’re not _actually_ ditching me for a twelve-year-old?”

“ _Actually_ , I am,” Blaine said coolly, picking up a strange jacket off of the coat rack Kurt’s never seen before and handing it to Sebastian. “And, like I said before, he’s _fourteen_ , and he’s my friend. And you’re kind of an asshole, so.”

Sebastian’s eyebrows raised high on his head, then scrunched together, and then popped back up again in confusion. When it finally sunk in that Blaine was really, truly serious, he scoffed and shrugged on his jacket. “Well, you know, they say you are what you-”

“ _Leave_ , Sebastian,” Blaine said loudly, trying to hide his pink face.

_o-O-o_


	3. Chapter 3

_o-O-o_

Blaine was there to help Kurt come out to his father a couple of months later, and Rachel practically beat up the both of them when she found out _both_ knew all of this time and never told her. He accidentally came out to Hiram and LeRoy shortly after that after joking about never letting Rachel sit in Hiram’s big cushy chair even though Blaine sat in it constantly, because the requirements to sit in it specifically stated that only homosexuals were allowed (really, they just trusted Blaine a lot more to not drop cookie crumbs into the velvet cracks).

Kurt had sat in it later that night, making Rachel throw her hands up. “Only for the gays, remember?” he said before realizing what he had done, quickly going completely red. Thankfully no one said anything, but Hiram wouldn’t stop smirking at him for weeks.

Over the next two years, Kurt forced himself to tone down his crush. Yes, Blaine was perfect, but it was never going to happen. The age difference was too awkward, especially when he thought about how he was now 16, and imagining himself dating a 12-year-old made him cringe. He understood why Blaine wouldn’t look at him like that. And then there was Rachel to think about, who would definitely, without a doubt, be hurt in the process. Kurt was certain.

Besides, Blaine probably thought of him too much like a brother, anyway. They _were_ close enough to be family.

Even after Blaine moved out to New York to go to college, Thursday nights was their phone time. And they both used their Facebooks and texting plans to their full utility. Christmas was coming up, and Rachel was throwing a party after begging her parents to let her have a full-blown adult party with _boys_. It cost her tickets to Broadway next summer, but being she had seen virtually every major show that had played since she was born, she called it a win. Blaine promised he’d be there, but declined to answer whether he’d be able to bring any cute New York boys along.

Kurt didn’t even know who Rachel was planning on inviting. She had invited their glee club personally, but other than that he was pretty sure she was just handing out invitations at random. Kurt desperately wished she wouldn’t, because Hiram and LeRoy were leaving town for the weekend and he feared for their lovely décor.

Rachel wasn’t exactly popular in school; in fact, most people hated her, so at first he clung to the hope that they all just threw the invitations out and didn’t notice the ‘no parents’ bullet point on the frilly pink paper. But the rumor mill at McKinley high was notorious for hyping up coed parties with no parental supervision. There were people, _seniors_ , who were rumored to come. LeRoy and Hiram had forbidden alcohol, but with that many unreliable people, who knew what would be snuck in.

Kurt expressed his fears in person to Blaine the night he flew in, which also happened to be the night before the party. Rachel had run downstairs to check to see if she had bought enough cups, while Kurt managed the stove, prepping various entrees, deserts and finger foods. Blaine was hanging holly on the wall.

“…and I’m almost positive Noah Puckerman is getting a whole bunch of people to just come trash the place. He kept talking about his friends in the rejects who crash parties with weed every weekend for amusement.”

Thankfully, Blaine was on the same page as him. “I have no idea how Rachel even convinced her dads to let her have this party. I am 95% certain it’s because they thought no one would want to come to it. They’re going to freak if it turns out to be as bad as rumors are making it out to be.”

“It’s Rachel’s fault for telling everyone her parents were going to be out of town.”

At that time, Rachel chose to come back into the room. She, thankfully ( _regrettably?_ ), had not heard what they were talking about, and started listing off the things that they had to do for the following night. Rachel, bless her heart, thought the entire idea was unfolding perfectly. Kurt wasn’t sure if Rachel fully grasped the fact that she had to clean up any and every mess made in her fathers’ spotless house and restore it to new. “…Now, I downloaded a whole bunch of party music, but I still have to find a safe place to store my iPod so it doesn’t get stolen….”

The idea that her possessions might get stolen at this party excited her. Kurt and Blaine shared a look.

By 9 o’clock the next night, Rachel’s house started to really fill up. By 11, booze was being passed around by the bottle. Kurt was running about around the house with his own bottle of Windex in one hand and a roll of paper towels in the other, scrubbing the tables where people were spilling tacky soda and tequila blends. He was two steps away from pulling out the vacuum cleaner when a familiar hand was on his arm.

“ _What_?!” he accidentally shouted right in Blaine’s face. He was stressed out and really about scream at every person in the house individually.

Blaine didn’t take it personally. Instead, he coaxed the cleaning solvent out of his hand. “Kurt, the more you clean up now, the less Rachel’s going to have to serve her punishment tomorrow morning when she cleans it up by herself.” He had a point, but everything was just so _dirty_ , and this was Hiram and LeRoy’s _home_ and he felt _terrible_. “I’ll have you know,” Blaine was saying, raising his voice and leaning in close so Kurt could hear him over the music, “I just dumped two entire bottles of rum down the sink.”

“I yelled at a girl for five minutes for saying that she thought she was going to puke,” Kurt admitted.

Blaine laughed, and Kurt felt a lot less angry and a lot more giddy. “Come on, dance with me,” Blaine insisted, and suddenly, cleaning up wasn’t important.

Dancing with Blaine was exciting. The music was loud and the air hot and sticky in the midst of all of the people, but Blaine was _Blaine_ and every time a drunken person knocked into him Blaine was there to keep him steady. Kurt’s anxiety quickly turned into adrenaline as Blaine took his hands and brought them slightly closer. They lasted several songs, and Kurt was prepared to last through several more, when an arm slung around Blaine’s shoulder.

“Hey cutie,” said a face that Kurt had hoped he never had to see again.

“Se- _Sebastian,_ what the hell are you doing here?!” Blaine shrieked, forgetting he was still holding Kurt’s hand when he pulled the three of them out of the dancing mob.

“This place is positively buzzing in the underworld as of right now that a high school party is actually _good_. Imagine my surprise when I see that the address is none other than the notorious Blaine Anderson’s humble abode,” Sebastian slewed, his voice just as arrogant and cocky as Kurt remembered, and his face just as weasel-y. “I simply had to stop by and say hello.”

“Sebastian, you have to leave-”

“I brought friends,” Sebastian interrupted. Just then, a crowd of older, rambunctious college boys started greeting Blaine. Blaine knew them all, and was clearly trying to be nice about catching up with them, but Kurt could tell that he was also kindly trying to find a way to tell them all to get out of his house.

“Look, guys, I really-”

“Yo, Blainey!” Another more familiar, and much more pleasant, voice called, and clapped a hard hand down on Blaine’s shoulder that almost made him topple over. “Man, this place is _fire_.”

“ _COOPER_?! What the _hell_ -?”

Cooper ignored him and let a hand clap down onto Kurt’s shoulder. “Kurt, I know you’ve gotta be responsible for some of this.” Kurt couldn’t formulate words; Cooper’s electric blue eyes always managed to make his tongue tie up, especially when they sprung at him out of absolutely nowhere.

“Cooper, what the hell are you doing here?!” Blaine repeated, clearer this time.

“Rachel invited me,” Cooper answered simply. He stared down into the red cup he was holding and admired its contents. “I gotta say, I really thought this was going to be a flump, but it’s actually cray.” About three years ago, Cooper landed a job acting in a Free Credit Ratings commercial and won himself a small amount of fame in Lima, Ohio. The knowledge that The Cooper Anderson was at the party was starting to dawn on the patrons, and things started to get noticeably and _chillingly_ louder when he winked at a group of girls Kurt knew to be seniors.

“Aw, dude, Blaine, come play beer pong with me,” one of Blaine’s old friends insisted, grabbing his hand and pulling him away from Kurt. The group around him whooped loudly, and practically carried him away despite his protests. The last glance Kurt got of him was Blaine sending apologetic eyes Kurt’s way, and Kurt, surprisingly, was chuckling.

“So, _Kurt_ ,” Cooper pinched Kurt’s chin between his fingers, making Kurt blush and pull away, “you having fun?”

He made a face. Dancing with Blaine had been a lot of fun, but he was still freaking out over the mess everyone was making. And frankly, he hadn’t seen Rachel once since about 9:30 when she disappeared with Finn Hudson. Finn was, in Kurt’s opinion, incredibly attractive- and also in Rachel’s opinion as well. He was the only football player who had ever been _nice_ to him. He was in glee club with them and had a dreamy voice, and both friends fell hard. They feuded over him, but Rachel eventually won because he was straight. But Kurt hadn’t lost all hope, yet. As bummed out as he was about it, he didn’t really blame Rachel; he just wished she considered his feelings about it a bit more. It was all a little moot, though. Finn had a girlfriend.

“Well, Kurt, I think I know your problem,” Cooper threw and arm over Kurt’s shoulders and thrust his cup under Kurt’s nose. “You’re far too sober.”

“O-oh,” Kurt stared down at the contents of the cup, and felt his eyes burn from the vapors. “Cooper, I’m only sixteen.”

Making a noise of indiscretion, Cooper leaned in closer to Kurt’s face. “Live a little, Kurt. Have some _fun_.” Cooper was too close to him, and his eyes far too vibrant, for Kurt to ever have stood a chance. The Anderson charm was a deadly thing. Cooper brought the cup to his lips and tipped it back for him.

He only managed a mouthful before he shoved the cup away and practically gagged. “That’s _disgusting_ ,” he complained loudly, his mouth _burning_.

Laughing, Cooper held the cup back up to Kurt’s face, “You get used to it. Drink.”

Eyeing Cooper carefully, Kurt downed the entire cup and felt his throat catch fire all of the way down to his stomach.

“KURT HUMMEL IS _DRINKING_?!” came a voice too loud and _way_ too drunk in Kurt’s ear. He found Rachel.

“ _Rachel_ ,” Kurt scolded. She looked completely trashed, and like she could hardly stand up straight. “Oh my god, how much have you had to drink?!”

She laughed obnoxiously, leaning her entire bodyweight into him. “Not much!” (Kurt doubted that), “I just was really having a good time. Are you having a good time? Did you have any of the rum? It’s coconut! I think we should have just invited all of Lima, they’re all here anyway.” She turned toward Cooper, “You should get Kurt something else to drink!” Cooper whooped, and it was definitely the alcohol making Kurt giggle now. Could alcohol work that fast? He felt a wave of dizziness. “You should play this game that we’re playing; Finn and I _dominated_.”

Everything went completely downhill from there. Cooper returned with a full cup of whatever and a couple hours later Kurt was _definitely_ drunk. He had danced with Rachel and actually _grinded_ with her, something he would never have done sober. Eventually, people started to file out and the room was getting emptier by the minute. It was some late hour in the night, but Kurt didn’t feel like stopping.

He was pressed into Cooper’s side, who seemed to be hanging around him a lot throughout the night for some reason. “Alright, Kid, I gotta get going.”

“What? _Nooo_ ,” Kurt whined, very unlike his sober self. “You should jus’ stay. There are beds.”

“Nah, I have stuff to do tomorrow,” Cooper waved him off. “I already called a cab. I’ll be back for a week in a few days.”

Kurt groaned, and hugged onto his middle. It was difficult, but he eventually pried himself away and let Cooper go. He had lost Rachel again, so he found himself alone. Finishing the last of the drink in his cup, Kurt set out to find where Blaine had gone all of those hours ago.

Kurt walked up the stairs and found Blaine on the floor in the living room. The large group of his friends were all strewn across the couches and laughing noisily. He met Kurt’s eye and was suddenly off of the floor. “Oh my god, _Kurt_!” Blaine’s hands were on him, straightening him when Kurt didn’t even realize he was tipping over. “Kurt- were you _drinking_?!”

Blaine’s scent chose that moment hit Kurt’s nose. Blaine always smelled so _good_ , and Kurt loved it. “Cooper gave me some drinks,” he said, fascinated with the way Blaine’s shirt was unbuttoned until the middle of his chest.

“Coop- _Cooper_?!” his eyebrows raised high on his head, and Kurt nodded several times in a row, biting his lip. Blaine sounded angry, and all Kurt heard was the growling as it vibrated under his hand. When did he put his hand on Blaine’s chest? “Okay, Kurt, we’re going to bed.”

“ _Nooo_ ,” Kurt whined again, resting his head on Blaine’s shoulder as Blaine started to lead him out of the room and up the stairs. “We should dance again,” he suggested, because that had really been the best part of his night. Plus, Rachel had showed him the fun in grinding, and grinding with Blaine would be _awesome_.

“No, Kurt, no more dancing,” Blaine said firmly. He knocked on Rachel’s closed door, but found no answer. He jiggled the door handle to find that it was locked. “Are you _kidding_ me?!” he growled again, and Kurt bit his lip. Scoffing, Blaine led Kurt to his room and set him down on the bed. “You can sleep here for tonight-”

“I’m sleeping in your _bed_?” Kurt said provocatively, still trying to lean into Blaine even though he was now sitting and Blaine was walking away.

“Well, Rachel kind of locked you out of her room, so yeah,” Blaine answered, completely oblivious to Kurt’s tone of voice as he ruffled through his drawer. “Here, I have a pair of pajamas you can change into,” he procured the flannel pants and a t-shirt and placed them on the bed next to him. “You can change in here; I’ll go get you a glass of water-”

“You’re not going to help me get dressed?” Kurt purred a bit more obviously this time with his tone of voice and the way he fluttered his eyelashes. Blaine’s head snapped up to him, and his face filled with color as he started stammering. Kurt’s nose scrunched and he giggled uncontrollably at the look.

Blaine’s face was completely red when he mumbled again about the water and stepped out of the room. Kurt was still giggling as he tried to work his tight jeans off of his body, which proved to be a most difficult task when your depth perception was clearly turned off. He had to re-put on the pajama bottoms when he realized they were on backwards.

About five minutes into Kurt’s challenge, Blaine’s voice was heard screaming something. He couldn’t quite make out the words past the growling that he loved so much. A female voice, Rachel, was yelling back, but Kurt couldn’t make out her words either. He just noticed that Blaine’s pillows were under his head, and they smelled wonderful.

When Blaine came back in the room, he was noticeably fuming. “Hey, Mr. Grumpy Face,” Kurt sing-songed.

“Drink this,” Blaine ordered, ignoring him.

“’M not thirsty,” Kurt pouted.

The corner of Blaine’s mouth lifted upwards. “I know it seems like you’re not, but you actually are. Alcohol pretends like it hydrates you, when in reality it only makes you thirstier. So, unless you want to experience a disastrous hangover, drink.” Kurt hummed and downed the water. He couldn’t imagine how it could taste so bland after all of the other stuff he drank that night; it made him feel slightly sick.

“What were you yelling at?” Kurt asked, licking his lips.

Sighing, Blaine pulled the blankets out from under Kurt and started wrapping them around him. “Rachel had a _boy_ in her room.”

Kurt gasped in a would-be-scandalized fashion. “And who exactly d’she grace into her quarters?” he asked, successfully only slurring on half of the words.

“Some… tall kid,” Blaine shrugged, then rolled his eyes as if it pained him. “That kid was so tall.”

Kurt sat straight up, ruining the work Blaine had put into tucking him in. “She had _Finn_ in her room?!” he raged, actually scandalized this time.

“Umm… I don’t know his name,” Blaine said, but Kurt was certain. ‘Tall’ was Finn’s most dominating feature. “Lay back down,” Blaine ordered. Kurt did so, but sourly. He really liked Finn and Rachel didn’t even care. And _Finn_ even had a _girlfriend_! What was he doing in Rachel’s room!? “Okay, now fall asleep,” Blaine was saying, but Kurt only grumbled in return until he noticed Blaine leaving the room.

“Wait! Come back!” he called desperately, sticking his bottom lip out. “Aren’t you gunna come sleep with me?”

“O-Oh,” Blaine stammered again, hanging onto the door. “I have to go- um. Make sure everyone gets home safe. But I’ll be up later.”

“I don’t wanna be alone,” Kurt whined, batting his eyelashes unnecessarily.

“I’ll be thirty minutes tops,” Blaine promised.

“Too long.”

“ _Fifteen_.”

Kurt bit his lip to keep from smiling. “’Kay.”

Blaine shut the door and turned off the light, and Kurt was in a dead sleep not five minutes later.

_o-O-o_

The urge to pee demanded Kurt wake up. This proved to be a difficult mission rather quickly; his head was foggy and sore, and his eyelids were glued shut with fatigue. His limbs felt as if he was trying to swim in a pool of quicksand. Nuzzling his face into his pillow, Kurt was about to allow himself a just another moment of sleep before working on fixing his problem.

Until he realized he wasn’t nuzzling a pillow.

Startled, Kurt jerked back. His head and neck regretted the movement instantaneously; the pain had him groaning and falling back down. His eyes had widened too quickly in the scare and brought in an excess of light through his retinas, so he was afraid of opening them back up again.

Slowly, he pried them open and nearly lost himself with the sight under him. Blaine’s face was peaceful with sleep: mouth relaxed, eyelashes fanned out on his cheeks, forehead un-creased, and so close to Kurt’s face that he gasped. Unintentionally, Kurt began to study the glorious way Blaine’s jaw line bit off into his throat. The more he looked, the harder it was to stop.

It took Kurt’s breath away again when he learned that he was half laying on top of him, with his head nestled onto Blaine’s shoulder and his body curled under Blaine’s arm. Blaine was _right there_ , so close, _sleeping_ with him. Pretenses and defenses were down, making the scene feel unreal, as if Kurt’s subconscious was giving him this beautiful moment in a life-like dream. He almost squealed- before he realized how utterly _embarrassing_ that would be.

Speaking of _embarrassing_ …

He did groan as the memories from the night before trickled in. What was he doing blatantly flirting with Blaine like that? ‘ _You’re not gunna help me get dressed_?’ Really? That sounded like then start to a bad porno. Could he have _been_ any more desperate asking Blaine if he was going to sleep with him like that?!

Disgusted with himself, Kurt weaseled his way out of Blaine’s hold. He had no right to be secretly thriving at being in his arms; he had decided long ago to put an end to his crush, and this wasn’t helping at all. He tried not to coo when Blaine rustled and muttered nonsense under his breath, groping for the warmth Kurt depleted him of.

Walking was difficult. His entire body was stiff and his head felt like he had endlessly been smacking it against pavement a few moments ago. After relieving himself, he drank several bathroom-cupfuls of tap water and his body convinced his mind that he needed to go back to sleep.

Rachel’s door was closed, and he didn’t feel like disturbing her after last night. Truth be told, he was upset that she ignored him most of the night for Finn Hudson, and then ended the night with him in her room. He felt like, as her best friend, he should be happier for her, but honestly he just wanted to sulk about it.

So he made his way back to Blaine’s room. He could _totally_ fit in the little space Blaine wasn’t sprawled out on without making contact with him. He shimmied down under the covers a little too close to the edge of the bed, and let his weighted eyelids slip shut happily.

Only to fly right back open as Blaine’s arm weaved around his body and pulled him back until the two of them were undeniably _spooning_ , right there on Blaine’s bed. The redness flooded Kurt’s face when a cold nose nuzzled the back of his neck, the tiny breaths of Blaine’s mumbling puffing against his skin. Breathing became challenging as Blaine’s blunt nails scratched over his collarbone and fisted his t-shirt in a sleepy palm. Blaine sighed peacefully, but Kurt was having trouble keeping his breathing stable with the way his heart was pounding in his throat.

Swallowing thickly, Kurt tried to remind himself to _not enjoy this so much_. But try as he might, Blaine was warm and _strong_ , and Kurt couldn’t help melting into his hold. He had never known Blaine was so much of a cuddler when he slept, but he really should have seen it coming. This was _Blaine_. He was undeniably too much like a giant, human-sized puppy during daylight hours. Despite himself, Kurt giggled. He felt alive in ways that shouldn’t be possible with his pounding headache.

Sleep came easily once Blaine’s thumb began unconsciously tracing along his collarbone in slow, rhythmic strokes.

_o-O-o_

The next time Kurt woke up was to Blaine’s gasp. Kurt’s eyelids fluttered open to Blaine’s face once again inches away from his own. He was still groggy and unfocused when Blaine muttered a very soft, “ _Oh_.”

“Blaine?” Kurt said, his voice hoarse with sleep.

“Good morning,” Blaine replied too fast with their faces still too close. He caught this only a moment later. Pulling his arm out from around Kurt’s waist, he rolled away to the opposite side of the bed. Kurt gave a shiver from the cold that he was sure Blaine winced at. “U-Um… How’s your head?”

_A lot better than it was when I woke up the first time._ “O-Okay,” Kurt answered, trying to stop staring when Blaine rubbed a hand over his face.

“Good,” Blaine said eventually, scratching fiercely at his eyes. “I can’t believe my little sister threw a raging house party last night.”

“I can’t believe I got drunk.”

The burst of laughter Blaine gave was quickly controlled into a stern look. “We’re going to have to talk about that. Don’t you _ever_ get that drunk again until you’re like- _thirty_ ,” he scolded. Catching Kurt’s look of utter guilt, he consoled, “I’m not _mad_ at you; you didn’t know. I was planning on introducing you to your first drink eventually, after I’d informed you all about the dangers and how to take care of yourself. It’s _Cooper_ I’m going to be releasing my wrath at.”

Groaning, Kurt flopped his head on the pillow. “Don’t be too hard on him.”

“Oh, I will be as hard on him as he deserves,” Blaine promised, sitting upright in the bed. Kurt clenched onto the duvet to stop the cold air from trickling in. “He was practically force-feeding you drinks all night.”

“I drank it all of my own accord!”

“Oh, please, only after Cooper batted his eyelashes at you,” Blaine caught him. “I know he’s your weakness, Hummel. You can’t tell me you would have drank as much as you did if he wasn’t constantly filling your cup.” Kurt blushed uncontrollably. “He craves the attention you give him. He feeds on it.”

Truthfully, it was Anderson boys in general that was his weakness. “Like _you’ve_ never gotten drunk because of a cute boy before,” he pouted in return.

Opening his mouth, Blaine looked like he was about to retort. Instead, he shut it tight, only to reopen it to change the subject. “I have to go get Rachel up. She’s going to be cleaning this entire house by herself, and if I see you helping her I’ll kick you out.”

And so Kurt was stuck in the kitchen, busying himself with making breakfast as to not go against Blaine’s Word-of-Law. Rachel and Blaine argued the entire morning. She seemed to think that there wasn’t as big of a mess as there actually was, and that she could get away with sleeping off her hangover.

“You’re going to power through it, because you promised your Dads that there wouldn’t be alcohol,” Blaine told her sternly. “Now you pay the price. You can’t afford to waste time. Hiram and LeRoy will be here tonight, and this house has to be spotless.”

But despite insisting that Rachel clean the house herself, Blaine was doing an awful lot of bustling around scrubbing stains out of the carpets. Kurt was just finishing up the last of the pancakes when a chin rested on his shoulder, making him flinch and nearly ruin the pancake’s perfect circular shape with the spatula. “ _God_ , that smells good,” Blaine noted, his deep voice vibrating in the crook of Kurt’s neck.

Belly fluttering, Kurt angled his face in Blaine’s direction. “Down, boy,” he joked, his voice slightly higher than usual, and he should really keep that in check in times like this. In fact, he should always keep how he reacted to Blaine’s casual touches in check. “Scooch,” Kurt waved at Blaine, accidentally hip-checking him on instinct, which is also something he shouldn’t do. “I need to flip.”

“Oooh, don’t wanna get in the way of that,” Blaine cooed as he made room. “Your pancakes are a sacred thing. I’d hate to mess with the ennui of the flip.”

Shooting him an unimpressed glance, Kurt turned the pancake over smoothly.

“What would you do if I had knocked your elbow right then? The urge had been strong.”

Eyes rolling in his skull, Kurt sent him an even less impressed glance. He pointed the spatula at Blaine’s face like a weapon. “The pancake would have ended up on your head. Uncooked.” Blaine laughed loudly, and Kurt’s comically hard face started to crack with a grin. He turned back to his work so as to hide this from Blaine. “Would have been an interesting addition to the hair gel, though, I must admit. I wouldn’t be surprised if there already wasn’t some in it.”

Affronted, Blaine dropped his jaw. “That’s a low blow, Hummel.”

“For most people, but for you I’d say it was around shoulder height.” Blaine gasped loudly in offence. Feigning innocence, Kurt wiped his finger along the mixing bowl, collecting the batter to lick off. Once his finger was clean, he continued the topic. “Well I mean, if you let me find you a decent mousse-”

“You’ve only ever seen my curls when they’re wet or only just breaking out of the hold,” Blaine insisted, a slight blush over his cheeks. “Trust me: I’ve tried every brand of mousse there is. Nothing works.”

“I’ve styled your hair before,” Kurt reminded.

“Not on fresh curls,” Blaine added. “I always had some gel in it before I let you touch it.”

“You’re ridiculous, Blaine,” Kurt laughed, pulling the cooked pancake off of the frying pan and sliding it onto the plate with the others. He walked the plate over to the table, calmly placing it down and sitting in one of the chairs.

Scoffing as he sat down next to him, Blaine retorted, “Would you ever let _me_ style _your_ hair?”

“Oh god, _you_? No, never,” Kurt answered, teasing laughter in his voice. Kurt often knew what Blaine was going to do before it happened, thus he knew to grab Blaine’s wrist just as his hand was inches away from ruffling his expertly done coif. “I will _end_ you,” he threatened. He had spent a long time that morning fixing it so it showed no signs of the dishevelment of a hangover.

“So you’re allowed to fix my hair, but I’m not allowed to do yours?” Blaine challenged, popping an eyebrow.

“Maybe one night I’ll let you play with it,” Kurt humored, raising two of his own in turn. “I’ll get you some cute hairclips and ties and let you have some fun making me look pretty.”

Blaine rolled his eyes, his smile wide. “Wow, you’re a jerk. When did you become a jerk? You used to be so sweet.”

Smiling, Kurt enjoyed the banter. They poked fun, never at anything that was an actual insecurity, sharpening their wits and making each other laugh. In the end, though, they always managed to return to being sweet with each other. So Kurt followed the script. “Well, I do see less and less of you since you left for college,” Kurt’s smile fell slightly into a pout, though the corners of his lips remained upwards. “It must be a side effect.”

Sighing, Blaine’s shoulders dropped. “You’re such a dork. I miss you,” he said genuinely.

“I miss you too,” Kurt replied in the same manner. “Phone calls and-”

There was a loud crash coming from the basement, immediately followed by Rachel screaming out, “I’m okay!”

Rolling his eyes more exasperatedly this time, Blaine grumbled, pulling back slightly. “I gotta go see what she broke.” Kurt chuckled humorlessly, shaking his head in amazement. “I’ll be right back, sweetheart.”

Kurt was half a second away from telling Blaine to let her come up and have some breakfast when something fluttered against his lips, stealing all of the breath out of his lungs.

Blaine had just kissed him.

It had been so effortless; a small, fleeting kiss of chaste farewell. Blaine just _did_ it, without a second thought to it. Instantaneously, Kurt felt like he was hovering above his body, watching some forbidden fantasy he never allowed himself to dwell on anymore. But it wasn’t a fantasy. Kurt watched, gaping, as Blaine made it so far as standing up and pushing in his chair before he _realized_.

Blaine froze in midair, unnaturally rigid as his expression caught with a slightly dropped jaw. Gaping, Blaine’s wide eyes snapped onto Kurt’s.

Whatever breath Kurt had been holding punched out of him for a second time. His lips felt like they were vibrating, the memory of Blaine’s soft, warm mouth still so fresh it felt like it had never left. Kurt actually watched Blaine’s face fill with color, tinting almost cartoonishly fast. Judging by the heat on his own face, Kurt knew he must have looked exactly the same.

They stood there, gaping at each other as they both floundered as for how to proceed, still doubting whether what happened had actually happened- it had been so quick, after all, did he just imagine it? Surely, Blaine couldn’t have just done that so naturally, like they had been sharing casual pecks all of their life and a short farewell to the other part of the house deserved a reminder of their-

“Okay, so I think the CD rack just needs to be nailed back onto the wall-” Rachel stormed in, completely oblivious to what she had interrupted.

“A- Hah- what?” Blaine said eloquently, still rooted in his spot and clearly not completely out of his shock.

Continuing ignorance to their current state, Rachel threw her hands in the air. “I literally just touched it and it all just fell! I know you’re not supposed to help me, but the CDs are everywhere and I-” Finally, both of their breathless, red faces seemed to catch her attention. “Are you guys okay? You’re both kind of red.”

Blaine was helpless. He stammered and stuttered for a few more moments; the more he did so, the more Kurt felt a hot, bubbling anger in his stomach. Breaking free of his position, Kurt turned around and started fixing the placemats on the table until they were straight. “We’re fine,” he spat.

Thankfully, Rachel fell back into her own more pressing matter. “Blaine, can you help me with the CDs? You knew how Papa organized it. And I’m not really good with a hammer.”

“Uh, yeah,” Blaine said, distractedly. Kurt could feel his eyes boring into his back as he began scrubbing a watermark off of Rachel’s cup with a napkin. “I just-… um-”

“Go help her,” Kurt told him, rather venomously.

Kurt heard, rather than saw, Blaine fumble around sheepishly and lead his sister back down to the basement. His face was scorched with shame and blind rage.

_Four years_ Kurt had endured the roller coaster of his stupid, childish crush. _Four years_ he stifled every want, every desire to touch Blaine a little heavier than acceptable, hug him a little longer, _kiss him_ with every fiber of his soul. Kurt had to sit back and school his every expression whenever Blaine’s laugh rang out, hide how desperately he wanted study the map of his palm with his own. He never even allowed himself to _look_ at Blaine for longer than was absolutely necessary.

And then Blaine comes in and in a matter of _milliseconds_ destroys every brick Kurt had carefully placed around that part of himself.

Not feeling even the slightest bit hungry anymore, Kurt busied himself with cooking the last few pancakes. It was the stupidest thing, how he stared at the bubbling batter until the underside burnt because he was too caught up to flip the dumb thing. _Milliseconds_ , he kept thinking to himself. Blaine, for whatever reason, fucked up whatever dynamic the two of them had with just _milliseconds_ of stupidity.

Once the pancakes were all plated, Kurt began to clean his mess. Blaine was downstairs, and any moment he was going to come up and pretend like nothing happened, or- no. Worse. He was going to want to talk, to apologize for- for some meaningless reason that would leave Kurt feeling even stupider than he already felt, younger and trivialized and he would completely miss the entire point-

Hearing footsteps behind him, Kurt doubled his efforts scrubbing the mixing bowl, his lips pursed.

“You don’t wash the dishes when you’re the one who cooked, silly,” Blaine nagged, and Kurt bore a hole in the plastic measuring cup with his glare. “Come eat before you start washing up-”

“I’m not eating,” Kurt stated shortly. In his head, Kurt calculated Blaine’s pauses. He could hear the other boy’s thought process, piecing together Kurt’s demeanor and how best to handle it. But Kurt wasn’t going to allow him the privilege. “I have homework,” he said, working the sponge relentlessly over a smudge of grease that wasn’t dissipating. “I would like to get it done before Christmas.”

“Okay…” Blaine trailed off, and Kurt had a lump in his throat the size of the moon. “Look, Kurt, I’m really sorry. I have no clue what came over me-”

Before he could stop himself, Kurt spit, “No, you don’t.”

He knew his statement made no sense to Blaine, but that fact only made the situation worse. Blaine didn’t know what suddenly spurred a moment where he unconsciously needed to kiss Kurt, so how in hell is Kurt supposed to make anything out of it? How is Kurt supposed to dissect the nuances of a moment like that, while not allowing himself to even dare toy with the idea in a way that would ruin their relationship- their friendship even further? Navigating through his own stupid feelings was hard enough without adding that into the mix.

A hand lay on Kurt’s shoulder. “Look, it was… silly, I don’t know.”

This made Kurt turn around. He knew his eyes were watering, but he’d be damned if he let them fall. “‘Silly’?” he repeated. Blaine blanched at his expression. Kurt couldn’t stay there any longer. He set down the sponge and let himself out of the house, hoping that for once Blaine could feel a fraction of the confusion Kurt felt every day.

_o-O-o_


	4. Chapter 4

_o-O-o_

There was a hole, sore to the touch and bright red around the edges, in Kurt’s life for the next six months. Blaine had gone back to college, and Kurt didn’t answer his phone calls. The routine they had calling or Skyping each other at least twice a week was broken by Kurt’s doing. Rachel had been grounded for what she said was the rest of the school year, so he didn’t even get to see her; even when he could see her in class, there was a stint to their relationship. Rachel assumed it was because of Finn, but truthfully Kurt couldn’t handle not being able to tell her about Blaine.

They were, at the end of the day though, still best friends, so eventually they managed to work around it all. He learned to put up with any time she would mention her brother in passing, unknowing to what inner turmoil it caused him. Things were working well like that- until the following summer, when Blaine was back from college.

He couldn’t come up with any more excuses for avoiding the Berry household. Banking on the hope that Blaine would be the one avoiding him, he agreed to go swimming with Rachel in their luxurious pool.

Having just applied his sunblock (SPF high enough to warrant a warning on the label), Kurt was letting the lotion soak into his skin as he lay under an umbrella while Rachel, with her damned skin that seemed impenetrable to sunburn, dived in. She popped her head up out of the water. “You know, if Finn and I end up getting married, we’ll be brother- and sister-in-law!”

Of course that’s where her mind went. A part of him groaned; Finn’s mom and his dad hit it off a lot more than Kurt had intended they would when he introduced them. He had only hoped for a couple of ‘family’ dinners in which Finn was forced to come over and eat his cooking, but instead Burt and Carole seemed to take all of the romance, while, completely unbeknownst how to Kurt, him and Finn took a more brotherly attraction. Now that his dad proposed, he was going to have to share his father. And, somehow within it all, he made Finn completely unattainable. Funny how those things work out in a matter of six months.

He swallowed the mouthful of raspberry iced tea he had been taking. “I guess we would,” he sighed.

“I can’t wait for that!” She rested her arms on the side of the pool excitedly.

A little grumpy, Kurt reprimanded, “You guys are still sixteen.”

“Yeah, but we’re different.”

“You’ve already broken up once.”

“It was a mistake!”

“You cheated on him.”

“I thought he was cheating on me!”

Kurt raised an eyebrow, knowing when to stop before she actually got mad at him, but making sure she was well aware of the redundancy. Six months and she cheated on him and got back together with him. “Alright, yeah, that will be fun. We’ll be able to do so much more than we already do together.”

Her lips pouted, but there was an air of a smile to them. “Can’t you just be happy at the idea?”

Something was glaring from inside him at this conversation, and it took him a moment to spot it. He took another sip from his drink, chewing on the straw as he thought. Him and Rachel would be in-laws. Kurt had been, for the part half of three years, ignoring the prospect of something like that happening. He had done all he could to make sure that wouldn’t happen- and now. Now he had no control over it.

Of course, being Rachel’s family would be amazing; they already were, essentially, so really there would be no difference. But best friends are not supposed to date each other’s siblings, and Kurt was positive that if he and Blaine were to date, Rachel would raise Armageddon. And Kurt would be mad, he would- he is- but he knows how the argument would happen. _‘Finn’s only your step-brother_!’ So is Blaine. ‘ _Your  guys’ parents weren’t even dating when we got together!’_ Their parents had actually been dating for four whole days before they got together. ‘ _Blaine’s been my brother for a decade_!’ Finn wasn’t even technically his step-brother yet. ‘ _Blaine’s four years older than you_!’ Blaine’s four years older than him. There was no argument there left to be had on Kurt’s behalf. He knew that. It didn’t stop him from being bitter about it.

He also knew why he was bitter about it to begin with. Rachel didn’t have to have any type of mental battle about dating Finn. She didn’t have to consider Kurt’s feelings at all. Kurt had no relationship to Finn. He was friendly, and that was it. They were going to be brothers, and that was it. Rachel and Blaine though- they were real siblings. They teased and loved and fought and have always had both Hiram and Liam by them. And now that Blaine was off at college, like a rotten old cliché, they had gotten even closer.

Rachel was still waiting for him to answer. Smacking his lips off the straw, he deadpanned, “Woo.”

She splashed him, which he was not appreciative of. His lotion was still drying. He told her this, and she got out of the pool and tried to hug him. Running away was futile, though he did try. Soon, she caught him, rubbing her wetness all over him and dissolving his sun-protectant.

She was so tiny, though, that Kurt could hoist her up onto his shoulder kicking and screaming. As he tossed her back into the pool, she tried to grab is shoulder and pull him in with her. She nearly managed, but Kurt got his footing and scolded her when her head lifted from under the water. Undeterred, she swam to the edge and was getting out again.

“You spawn of a demon, _let me be_!” Kurt wailed, backing toward the gate to the front yard. She started at a run toward him. “I _will_ get burned! I’ll get cancer, Rachel- I’ll get _freckles-_!” He had bumped into something without realizing, and turned to see-

Blaine, with a bag of fertilizer over his shoulder. He didn’t have time to process the interaction before Rachel had collided with them both, sopping wet and throwing her arms around their middles. “Oh my- _Rachel_!” Blaine squeaked. His bicep was flush against his chest, and Rachel was squeezing them uncomfortably tight.

Luckily, both of them struggling to get free made it easy for Kurt to slip loose. Blaine whined, slowly lowering the heavy bag he was carrying to the ground, “Rachel, the _chlorine_ on my clothes!”

She let him go, smiling wickedly. “Hi Blaine!”

“ _Hi_ ,” he said, though it sounded like he was nagging her with just the word. “Can I go put this by the garden now? I’ve got to fertilize the tomatoes.”

“You should come swimming with me!” Rachel offered, and Kurt’s insides shriveled. “Kurt’s still got like, another year before he can get wet.” She turned back to him, pretending to glare, and Kurt had to respond before she realized how awkward he felt, so he stuck his tongue out at her.

“Oh, um, I’m not sure I-” And then they looked at each other. Had someone just punched him in the stomach? Why was it so hard to look at him now, without remembering- no. He wouldn’t let himself remember. And Blaine had faltered, had stuttered, in front of Rachel. Damn it. “Um. I’ve got to put this fertilizer on the tomatoes.”

_Don’t do it, don’t do it_ -

“Hi, Kurt.”

_Shit_.

“Hi.”

Fidgeting, Blaine wiped his palms on his shorts and pointed back down to the bag, finally having enough tact to stop trying to catch Kurt’s eye again. “I’m gunna go… fertilize the tomatoes.”

Rachel was only so oblivious. As soon as Blaine had made it across the back yard to the garden, she smacked his arm. Gritting his teeth, he turned to see her furrowed brows. “What was that?”

“It was nothing, Rachel, oh my god,” he said, but he said it lowly because surely Blaine would be able to hear them if he spoke normally.

Thankfully, Rachel mimicked his low tone and followed his gesture as he turned to walk back to the pool. “You two fought!”

Still holding firm, he set his jaw, “What are you talking about.”

“You two have _never_ fought before- what are you fighting about?”

“We’re not fighting, Rachel.” She pursed her lips indignantly, setting her foot tapping in that perfect overly-dramatic way only Rachel could pull off. He be impressed, but as things were he rolled his eyes. “Really, Rachel, we’re perfectly fine.”

With a great, knowing sigh, she cocked her head and cooed, “So then why don’t you go over there and ask him to come swim with us once he’s done with the garden.” Oh, he _hated_ when Rachel beat him. It wasn’t often; Kurt almost always made sure he had the upper hand, and even if he didn’t he was excellent at diversion and deception. Half of him, desperate to win, begged him to suck it up and march over to Blaine and-

Well, the other half of him wouldn’t even let him come up with the rest of that plan.

Shoulders dropping, Rachel took pity on him. Her voice softened, “What on earth could the two of you even fight about? I swear, you guys get along better than _I_ do with either of you.”

“We’re not going to talk about it, Rachel,” Kurt finally caved, sitting himself under his umbrella again, legs crossed and back hunched.

She stamped her foot and gestured to the garden, “Well then go and apologize!”

A spark of anger lit in his chest. He still made sure his voice was quiet enough to not carry across the yard. “I am not the one who needs to apologize!”

“Well then I’ll go tell Blaine to come over and apologize!”

He grabbed her arm, because she really was about to march over there and demand Blaine apologize. “Oh my _god_ , Rachel, calm down! This isn’t any of your business!”

At that, she looked downright offended. “None of my business?! You’re my best friend, and he’s my brother, and the two of you are also best friends. A strain on your relationship is also a strain on all of our relationships!”

He blinked slowly at her, unsmiling. “You two fight all the time.”

“Yes, but _we’re_ siblings. We’re supposed to fight.”

“You and I fight all the time too; it doesn’t interrupt me and Blaine at all,” he argued.

“We’re basically siblings too!”

“So then by that means, Blaine and I are basically siblings as well!”

Rachel’s face scrunched in disgust. “Oh, ew, no you’re not.”

A hitch in his breath, Kurt continued, “What does that mean?”

She was shaking her head, clearing it of the image. “I don’t know, you’re just not.”

Sighing through his nose, Kurt sat himself down under his umbrella, less he get burned. “Listen, Rachel, we’re fine. Just drop it, okay?”

He could tell she wasn’t going to by the look in her eyes, but there wasn’t much else he could explain to get her to _really_ drop it. He watched her as she fell back into the pool, still shrugging at him. It made him nervous; would Blaine tell her what happened, if she asked him? The way Rachel had reacted meant that he hadn’t even told her that they were fighting either, so he obviously didn’t want to talk about it with her. But Blaine was an incredibly easy person to crack. He hated lying. If Rachel were to point-blank ask him about it, would he be able to create a diversion- or, would he _want_ to?

Eventually, he did end up joining Rachel in the pool, once his new layer of lotion had sunk into his skin. They talked about other things, like glee club drama and their impending senior year, but Kurt could see something formulating in her head underneath it all. Some type of scheme, and when Rachel Berry schemes something…

It didn’t matter that Kurt was on his guard. It didn’t matter that he knew she was planning something, and that he had to be wary.

Because who, even _Rachel Berry,_ would pull _that_ _kind of stunt_.

Three hours later, they found themselves inside the Berry’s luxurious dining room, treating themselves with fresh strawberry shortcakes. Kurt had baked the little cakes himself, and Rachel ‘helping’ by whipping the cream. The berries were from the farmer’s market, and Kurt had to take a moment to enjoy the aesthetic of it all. After they had eaten enough, Rachel stood up from the table.

“We should go clean up before my dads get home,” she said, and Kurt was being careful, taking note of the abruptness of the statement, and the fact that Rachel was never one to mention the fact that chores needed to be done.

So he was diligent about it all, and Blaine was running laundry in the room next to them, so what could she possibly-?

She shoved him into the laundry room as they walked past.

Really, truly, honestly. She shoved him into the room, then locked the door from the outside.

Kurt was furious. She _shoved_ him. She _locked him in a small room_. With _Blaine_.

Who would do that? Was this a Disney Channel original sitcom? Was Kurt the star of a Kate Hudson romcom? He was about to be the star of FBI’s Most Wanted, he was sure-

“Rachel Berry!” Kurt scolded, and though he had heard the latch lock a moment before, began twisting the doorknob frantically. “Rachel Barbra Berry you did not just _shove me into this room_!” He started banging on the door with his fist. Why did this door even lock from the outside? Why would someone need to lock a laundry room in the first place, let alone from the outside? And why would Rachel do this to him, when she knew-

“Um…” Blaine hesitated, completely caught off guard. “Did she just lock us in here together?”

And Kurt could suddenly feel his presence everywhere in the room. The laundry room smelled like him, like the whole Berry household, but especially like Blaine. Kurt could feel him walking over, getting closer to- probably bang on the door or something, he didn’t know, or yell at Rachel. Kurt stepped aside to let him, crossing his arms and bitterly refusing to look at Blaine, choosing to glare at the washing machine, still left open and only half full.

Sure enough, Blaine tried the knob and met the same resistance. Slowly, Blaine came to the realization, “I guess she… found out that we weren’t speaking.”

“Only because _you_ don’t know how to hide your damn emotions,” It kind of felt like an explosion coming out of him.  “Seriously, what was that outside?! How the hell do you expect to get any auditions with _that_ kind of acting?”

Blinking back, Blaine’s eyes flashed to him, and Kurt could feel the hurt in them. There was a spark of anger that Kurt felt slightly guilting at putting there. “ _Acting_? You want me to _act_ like there’s nothing wrong between us?”

Sighing out the rush of anxiety that welled within him, Kurt turned back to face the wall simply so that he didn’t have to look at Blaine anymore. “Whatever.”

“‘ _Whatever’_?”

“Rachel, open the fucking door,” Kurt yelled out to her, because he could feel tears coming on and he’d be _damned_ if he let them go in here.

From the other side of the door, they heard a muffled voice call from a distance, “ _I’ll be upstairs, and I’m not coming back for fifteen minutes. If you two are still fighting by then, I will unlock the door, but believe me when I say that I will not let either of you leave the house until I have heard the full story from both points of view!_ ”

“Rachel!” Kurt screamed after her. “This is unethical and completely childish! Come back here and open this damn door-”

“Kurt, you know she’s not going to open that door,” Blaine told him, and _of course_ Kurt knew that, he’s known Rachel longer than Blaine has, practically been just as much of a brother to her for her whole life.

Setting his jaw, Kurt crossed his arms. His eyes were burning, so he sat himself cross-legged on the floor in a hump. Closing his eyes, Kurt breathed through his frustration, feeling Blaine’s presence blindly as he turned back to finish loading the laundry. The machine started up, vibrating the room with its whirring.

He knew exactly when Blaine was going to start talking, and sure enough after a moment of psyching himself up, Blaine began, “Kurt, listen, I’m so sorry. I know you do want to hear it, but I am. I understand why you’re mad at me.”

This made Kurt open his eyes, brows furrowed. “You _understand_?”

“Of course I do, Kurt,” Blaine assured him, and Kurt only looked more incredulous. Blaine was leaning against the humming machine, eyebrows pinched. “What I did was- disgusting. I’m so disgusted with myself for making you feel like that, you have no idea.”

“ _Disgusted_?” Kurt raised his voice.

“Kurt, I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable. I have no idea what was going through my head to make me do that to you. I know it’s wrong for me to ask for you to forgive me for doing that, but I-” his voice choked, and Kurt was more confused than ever. “I need you to know that I didn’t plan it. I honestly have no idea what came over me that made me do that-”

“What the _hell_ are you talking about?”

Blaine stopped, and they looked at each other with a mutual puzzled expression. Awkwardly, Blaine lowered his voice so as in case Rachel was still listening, “The- the kiss. And for- sleeping in the same bed as you. You must think that I-”

“Do you think that I was uncomfortable with you kissing me?”

There was another moment of silence where Blaine swallowed, his throat working difficultly. “Kurt, you were… barely legal. You still are, in some states.” Kurt blanched. He had been barely legal. That’s what Blaine was upset about. Blaine thought that he _assaulted_ him. Too distraught to talk, Kurt shook his head in disbelief. “I’m sorry if I… _took_ something from you. I really was not trying to take advantage of you in any way-”

“Because I’m just a fucking kid to you, aren’t I?” Kurt couldn’t stop himself from saying. “I’m just some dumb friend of your little sister.”

“…What?” Blaine questioned.

“I’m not a child, Blaine.”

“I don’t think of you as a-”

“Then why was your first instinct to assume you committed a _felony_ by kissing me?!” Kurt bit back, watching the way the words affected Blaine. “You think I was uncomfortable with being kissed by someone who was twenty? I was sixteen. It was- it was only my first kiss because we live in Ohio and there aren’t any other gay kids. I’m old enough to be kissed. You weren’t much older when I walked in on _you_ getting your neck sucked on by that awful not-boyfriend of yours.”

Swallowing again, Blaine was looking more distraught than before, crossing his arms over his chest and fidgeting in the way Kurt knew meant he felt out of control. “So… was it because of Rachel?”

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Kurt swore in disbelief.

“Well I _obviously_ cannot figure this out on my own, Kurt!” Blaine pled, finally taking a step forward so that he was in front of Kurt, his hands stretched out helplessly. “It’s not because it was your first kiss, or because of Rachel, or because you were creeped out- then what? I can’t keep doing this, Kurt. I miss you. You’re- my best friend. Not having you in my life is awful. I need to know what I did wrong.”

And he couldn’t hold back the tears any more. He felt the first drop roll steadily down his cheek.“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“So then…” Blaine was kneeling down in front of him now, still a respectable distance, but Kurt had to look him in the eye, “what is it? What’s wrong? Because something’s wrong, and I need you to tell me. We can’t keep living like this, Kurt. We mean too much for each other to let this get between us. It hurts me to see you like this, especially if I’m the cause.”

Clenching his teeth together, Kurt gripped his fists tight. Blaine, eyes earnest, was too much for him. “I can’t tell you,” he managed to whisper.

“Kurt, whatever it is-” Blaine assured him, finally initiating contact with light fingertips to Kurt’s white knuckles, “you _know_ that I won’t judge you.”

“Our relationship is too important to me.”

“Our relationship is important to me, too,” Blaine said patting his hand. “Which is why we need to fix this.”

“Blaine, me saying it will put _everything_ in jeopardy.”

“What could-” but he cut himself off. Kurt watched his eyes go wide, felt Blaine’s fingertips pull away from his hand. Terror settled in Kurt’s chest as the look of realization came over Blaine’s features, the raise of his eyebrows and the drop of his lips. Kurt knew he must look horrified, but there was no way he could hide his face, and even if he could Blaine would somehow probably still be able to see it in the tense of his shoulders and stiffness of his limbs. Kurt fucked up. He said too much.

To add to the panic, they heard Rachel marching toward them. “ _I don’t seem to hear any more yelling. Are you guys friends again_?”

Panicked, Blaine called to her, “Rachel, go back upstairs. We need another minute.” They couldn’t hear her move. Quickly, Blaine added, “Unlock the door, and we’ll be out in a minute. And _go back upstairs_.” A clicking noise came from the door, where Rachel must have unlocked the latch for them. Kurt felt marginally better knowing that he could run at any time. Blaine waited until he could hear the floorboards creak above them. But even then, he was still not speaking.

Fed up, Kurt closed his eyes. “I held it in for four years. And you couldn’t hold it for a _millisecond_.”

“Why did you not tell-?”

“ _Why_?” Kurt still kept his voice down, because he knew now would probably be about the time Rachel wouldn’t be able to stop herself from listening in. “ _What_ would come of it? With you thinking that kissing me would be _illegal_ , with Rachel, the dramatic cliché that she is- and because I didn’t think that you would ever, ever have the audacity to not control your feelings when I have done nothing but suppress myself from even _looking_ at you too long.”

Eyes trailing from Kurt, Blaine quietly confessed, “I never knew. I thought you liked Cooper.”

Letting out a humorless laugh, Kurt admitted, “I liked Cooper because of how he made you laugh, and because he has your nose and your smile-” he stopped himself. He was being ridiculous. Trying to push it away, Kurt begged, “Can we please go back? Can we please just- forget any of this happened?”

“Well I-” Blaine cut himself off abruptly, and Kurt couldn’t look at him. “You want to forget about it?”

“Of course I want to forget about it all!” Kurt said, throwing his hands up weakly. “It’s humiliating.”

Quiet fell for a moment, and Kurt couldn’t stop himself from feeling the deep humiliation roll through him. Well, now Blaine knew about his crush. His embarrassing, unethical, irresponsible attraction to his best friend’s older brother. It made Kurt sick to his stomach, because even though they hadn’t talked for six months, this would surely be the real reason their relationship would fall apart. And what about Rachel? As much as he’d like to think it wouldn’t, the way Blaine and Kurt were around each other was also a fundamental foundation on Rachel’s relationship with both of them. It would all be Kurt’s fault if they had a falling out.

Just when Kurt was sure he was about to start crying, Blaine spoke softly. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Kurt gasped.

“We’re going to go back six months and just…” he was shaking his head, his eyes closed as if truly trying to shake the memory out of himself, “forget. And we can go back to how things were before. If that’s what you want, then let’s do it.”

And for some reason, in that moment, Kurt felt relief.

_o-O-o_


	5. Chapter 5

_o-O-o_

For the rest of that summer, Kurt hung out with Blaine more than he did with Rachel, who was preoccupied with Finn. Eventually, Kurt was able to look at Blaine without feeling like someone was gripping his chest. He was able to rid himself of the unwanted thoughts that sprang up every time Blaine’s eyes were too vibrant, or his lips too soft. When Blaine left for college, Kurt was able to hug him for a long length of time without enjoying it more than he should have.

Blaine was as Blaine always was, caring and loving and sweet as ever, and they texted more than they had ever before. They Skyped twice a week, and when Blaine came back for the winter breaks they saw each other and bought each other Christmas gifts, and a little over a month later Kurt mailed Blaine a designer bowtie for his birthday in February.

Shortly after, Blaine told Kurt about his boyfriend. He was a perfectly decent boy named Kevin who was two years older than him, already out of college. Blaine brought it up to him softly one night and Kurt didn’t let himself feel any emotions that would hinder his encouraging tone. It was a bit concerning that Blaine didn’t talk about Kevin much over the next couple of months, so of course Kurt was a bit suspicious toward him after a while. And if he felt a bit of excitement when Blaine mentioned in passing to his parents their breakup by the time Blaine and Rachel held their joint graduation parties in the summer, well, that was only because it was so obvious they didn’t belong together.

And Kurt had another summer to spend with Blaine, a perfect distraction to both of their futures as they sat a respectful distance away on the couch watching old Broadway bootlegs. Both of them would be in New York, Kurt for college and Blaine for auditions. Blaine had a dingy apartment in the Bronx, and Kurt and Rachel managed to secure a dorm room from their college at the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts by some beautiful acting work by Rachel to the faculties that be.

Saying goodbye to his dad was the worst bit. Finn would be staying in Ohio, him and Rachel deciding to break up because of the distance (they didn’t even want to _try_ , though Kurt knew they would both be pining for each other regardless), so at least Burt had one son to have with him. Blaine held his hand on the flight as Kurt cried, his other hand rubbing Rachel’s back; she was sobbing with no remorse over the entirety of Pennsylvania.

The first day at NYADA, Kurt met an upperclassman named Adam, who was sweet, funny, and British. Two weeks later, Kurt was so surprised when Adam asked him out that he said yes without even thinking about it. It was Thanksgiving a year and a half after Kurt’s feelings for Blaine became common knowledge between the two of them, and Kurt didn’t think things could be going better. Blaine had truly taken to Kurt’s wish of forgetting those six months of not speaking, that confession, that kiss ever happened. And with Adam around, Kurt was positive that that crush was all in the past.

Unable to fly out to Ohio for the weekend, they had Thanksgiving at Blaine’s apartment. Adam was there, and so was Rachel’s new boyfriend Brody. Despite Kurt not being a fan of Brody and thinking that Rachel jumped into the relationship too fast, it was not Kurt’s fault the dinner became awkward after Rachel and Brody began arguing over something that shouldn’t have even been an argument.

Rachel, being Rachel, stormed out, and Brody, not wanting to intrude on the dinner further, excused himself as well. All that was left was Kurt, Blaine, and Adam.

“Well, now that that’s out of the way,” Kurt humored, breaking the tension a moment after the door closed on Brody’s back.

Blaine laughed with him, completely used to Rachel’s dramatics, but Adam was still looking a little uneasy. “Is she always like that?”

“Yes,” Kurt and Blaine said in unison.

Raising his eyebrows, Adam said sincerely, “I do hope they break up. Brody’s a bit of a tool.”

“And Rachel can’t handle when things aren’t about herself,” Kurt agreed, shaking his head. “There can’t be two of those in a relationship. It never works.” He sat back, noticing that all of their plates were empty, having kept quiet and ate while Rachel and Brody went at it. “Well, there’s no need to let it ruin the night. Shall I whip up some eggnog? They’re probably playing Christmas movies on every channel by now.”

“That sounds delightful,” Adam agreed. Kurt let Blaine take his plate so that he could start the pot of milk.

Twenty minutes later they were sitting on Blaine’s small sofa with It’s a Wonderful Life playing on the tiny screen. The couch was so small that while Kurt was leaning against Adam, knees up by their chests, his toes were curled under Blaine’s leg for warmth. Kurt and Blaine had both texted Rachel to make sure she was okay, but she said that she was already on the train back to the dorm and wanted to be alone.

A commercial showed a snippet of the old Claymation Rudolf movie, and Blaine began to giggle. Squinting at him, Kurt warned, “I know what you’re laughing at, and you better stop.”

Biting his lips, though still clearly smiling, Blaine shook his head, “No clue what you’re talking about.”

The position he was sitting it made it easy to kick Blaine’s arm, “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“What I’m laughing about is certainly not something to be ashamed of,” Blaine said, his tone sounding dangerous to Kurt.

“ _Blaine_ ,” he whined, pushing him harder with his foot.

“Don’t make me spill my eggnog!” Blaine laughed, his hand under his mug protectively. “This couch may be the worst couch ever, but it’s the only couch I can afford that didn’t have bedbugs!”

Removing his foot, Kurt kept his eyes squinted, “So then _stop laughing_!”

“Alright!” Blaine said through chuckles, his smile still wide.

Thinking that it was alright to leave him to his own devices, Kurt turned back to the television. He could feel Adam move uncomfortably under him, and a quick look told him that he was utterly confused. Sighing, Kurt informed him in a dead tone, “I was in a Rudolf the Reindeer play when I was six.” Mouthing an ‘ _Oh_ ,’ Adam nodded his understanding.

“-And it was the cutest thing ever,” Blaine finished for him, and Kurt returned to kicking him. In mimic, Blaine raised his voice to the highest octave he could, outstretching his finger to point dramatically up at the ceiling, “ _I just want to be a dentist_!”

“I trusted Cooper with those acting tips!” Kurt defended quickly, sitting up to control Blaine’s embarrassing pointing finger. “I was six! I didn’t understand that overacting was a thing!”

“I think my dads still have a copy of that performance,” Blaine’s smile widened, and Kurt sat back to hide his face. “It was so cute. Didn’t the kid playing Rudolf-”

“Accidentally poke me in the eye with his antlers? Yeah,” Kurt grumbled.

Adam began to rub his arm in sympathy. “I’m sure you were wonderful.”

Groaning, Kurt confessed, “I had some awful acting advice from Blaine’s older brother.”

“Blaine and Rachel have an older brother?” Adam asked, innocently.

“Well, Blaine does,” Kurt explained. “He’s Blaine’s biological sibling.”

“…But they’re not related to Rachel?”

“I was adopted,” Blaine spoke, and Kurt could hear that it sounded clipped. “Rachel and I aren’t related by blood.”

Adam’s eyebrows raised, “Oh. I wouldn’t have guessed.”

Kurt watched Blaine’s jaw clench. He knew that anything related to Blaine’s dead parents was a sore spot, and also that Blaine was secretly (and irrationally) afraid Hiram and LeRoy favored the daughter they had from an infant by surrogate. Wary of Blaine’s anxiety, Kurt brought the subject back, “That play was _awful_ and I have yet to rightfully scold Cooper for convincing me to scream all of my lines.”

Pursing his lips, Blaine snorted through his nose, “I’d love to see the day you scold Cooper on anything.”

Face heating up, Kurt bit the inside of his lip in annoyance. “I definitely _do not_ have a crush on him anymore, so you can just wait for Christmas, because I will _absolutely_ be having a word with him after this.”

Cocking his head, Adam asked innocently, “Did you have a crush on Blaine’s brother?” and Kurt’s heart stopped momentarily.

Eyes wide in fright, Kurt couldn’t resist himself from looking toward Blaine in the moment. The ‘ _Did you have a crush on Blaine_ ’ part of the sentence rang louder than the rest. Before he could speak, Blaine was talking for him, “Oh, he used to ask to come over any time that he knew Cooper was going to be there. Couldn’t stop looking at him whenever he was in the room. He liked his smile, and humor…”

“He was certainly way too old for him, though,” Adam remarked.

Blaine was quick to respond, “Oh, well, Kurt’s always liked older guys. Cooper is eight years older than me, so twelve years older than him, right?”

Rushing to speak, Kurt sat up again. “Okay, yeah, I had a crush on him, but it was weird and inappropriate, so I got over it. He’s also straight. And engaged now. And Blaine’s brother. So we’re done with this conversation.”

“And you’re also taken,” Adam said with finality.

“Yeah, that too,” Kurt agreed, unable to keep the awkwardness from settling, though. It was strange to have Adam and Blaine in the same room, especially in the position they were sitting in. And the conversation was too close to bringing up that unwanted subject that Kurt must never let Adam ever find out about, and having Blaine witness any type of cute-talk between the two of them was also mortifying.

Kurt liked Adam a lot, but he wasn’t ready for that specific brand of PDA. Even the way they were sitting was a bit much; they started by just leaning against each other, but Adam had brought his arm around Kurt’s shoulders which would be nice if it was just the pair of them. It was slightly embarrassing, especially with their given company. He found himself sitting up a little more, but he allowed Adam to keep his arm where it was. They were boyfriends, after all.

They had caught the movie toward the middle and managed to make it the rest of it without any more conversation, and Kurt wasn’t sure if he was glad for it or not. His toes felt hot under Blaine’s thighs, but not as hot as his shoulders felt under Adam’s arm. Toward the end, he began rubbing his bicep lazily, and Kurt desperately hoped Blaine couldn’t see it out of the corner of his eye.

When the movie finished, Blaine stretched out his limbs, “Well, I’ve got to get to bed. I’ve got an audition in the morning that I have to wake up early for because of the Black Friday traffic I’m gunna hit.”

“Ooh, anything exciting?” Kurt fished, thankful for the excuse to sit up again, away from the arm resting on the back of the couch.

Collecting the empty mugs on the coffee table, Blaine sighed, “Just an off-Broadway thing that’s in super pre-production. A buddy I graduated with knows the producers and wants me to audition, but even if I get it there’s no promise of the show even booking a theater.”

“Well, a booking’s a booking. Would it stop you from other auditions if you get it?” Kurt asked.

“Not unless it picks up actual traction,” Blaine admitted, standing up. Kurt followed him just as Adam was about to reposition himself. “I’m not going to sign anything unless it lets me keep availability.” Adam had trailed him, and there was his palm against Kurt’s shoulder blade, which Kurt allowed to happen because Adam was his boyfriend, and why shouldn’t he?  “You guys get home safe, alright? The trains are probably packed with shoppers already.” Looking at Kurt meaningfully, he added, “Text me when you get to your dorm, okay?”

“Of course,” Kurt assured, and then they were putting on their shoes and jackets, saying final goodbyes. Blaine hugged him tight, but Kurt was quick to let him go.

When they were outside in the brisk November air, Adam asked, “Why does Blaine want you to text him when you get home?”

Fixing his gloves, Kurt shrugged, “He’s always been like that. His parents died in a car crash, and he was once beat up so bad he was sent to a hospital when he was leaving a school dance. He just wants to make sure people make it where they need to go safely. He always makes sure we text him when we’re safe.” Feeling a little defensive, Kurt added, “It’s nice.”

He saw Adam scrunch his face. “It’s a bit protective.”

“Yeah, it is,” Kurt agreed, though he didn’t see how that would be a bad thing. Suddenly, Adam took Kurt’s hand. Quick to pull away, Kurt began looking around nervously, making sure no one saw. “We’re in the Bronx, Adam,” he whispered, anxiety heightened.

“So?” Adam said, looking hurt.

“So, I’d like to not be murdered for holding another boy’s hand,” Kurt explained slowly, tone so quiet he knew it must have been hard for even Adam to hear.

“Aren’t we in New York, though? Isn’t this place, like, the gay haven of America?”

Kurt stared at him with wide eyes. “Yeah, Greenwich Village. And Chelsea. Not here. Haven’t you lived in New York for three years?”

“I’ve never been here before,” Adam said, looking around. “It’s a bit out of the way for NYADA.”

An understatement, but Kurt knew that Adam’s parents paid for his apartment in East Village, sending their child to college on a different continent. Blaine had plenty of help from both his dads and what was left over from his parents’ will, but he paid for his apartment majorly using his wages from auditions and with employment at a local diner. Blaine had talked to him about it, and Kurt knew that Blaine felt guilty about using either financial help, and that that apartment was all he could afford without the guilt of using his dead parents’ money on anything other than tuition. Kurt wasn’t sure Adam would understand it, as open and accepting as he usually was.

They walked in silence until they got underground, and it almost startled Kurt when Adam started speaking again, as they waited for the train. “Bit strange, still, that he wants you to text him even though I’m walking you home.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, Kurt pondered Adam’s tone, then said carefully. “Not really. If something happens to me, it would also happen to you, wouldn’t it?” He studied Adam’s reaction; a bit of a frown, and his arms were crossed. Something dawned on Kurt. “Why are we talking so much about Blaine?”

That got Adam to react. “You mean tonight, or every other night?”

Taken aback, Kurt blinked slowly. “…What?”

“You never shut up about him, Kurt,” Adam told him. “You realize that tonight was the first night the two of us have met, and we’ve been dating for three months now?”

This information startled Kurt, but it was true. “Okay? I don’t quite know what you’re getting at here. You’re the one who keeps bringing him up.”

Exasperated, Adam sighed. “Well, you guys hang out all the time. You visit him, or he visits you, or you go out somewhere, and you tell me all about it every time.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Kurt said, now starting to get defensive. “Blaine and I have been friends practically my whole life. He’s family to me.”

“Alright, he’s your family,” Adam agreed huffily. “But is he your brother?”

“What? That’s what I just said.”

“No, you said he was your family.”

“A brother _is_ family.”

“But is Blaine your brother?”

The question was so bizarre that Kurt had to say the sentence over in his mind five times before he concluded, “What even is the difference?” The conversation halted as their train reached the station, and they managed to get on. This far out, they were able to snag two seats next to each other. Kurt waited for Adam to bring the conversation back, but he didn’t. The discussion played over in his mind, festering and bringing with it a new wave of annoyance.

He was too angry to bring the conversation back, and apparently so was Adam, because they rode the entire seventy minutes in silence. Kurt couldn’t really form sentences around his anger, other than a blatant statement about how he talked to Blaine about Adam all the time, and that Kurt only mentions Blaine when Blaine was part of the story. Blaine was present for a lot of Kurt’s life, third only to his dad and Rachel. In fact, Kurt talked about Rachel more than he talked about Blaine, and why did Adam care so much anyway? He and Blaine were family- _brothers_ , if that’s what Adam wanted to call it-

A distant memory of Rachel’s scrunched face came to his mind, the only other time Kurt had ever called Blaine a brother. But that was just Rachel, and her brain worked in ways unknown to modern logic. He could definitely refer to Blaine as his brother now.

They were still quiet as they walked to campus. Anxiety was starting to overcome him past the anger at the way Adam didn’t reach for his hand again. When they got to Kurt’s building, Adam sighed, and Kurt let him start. “Listen, Kurt, I like you,” he said it, and Kurt gave him the decency of looking in his eyes. “A lot. I don’t know if I made this clear to you or not, but I’m in this for the long haul.”

“And I haven’t given you anything that said that I wasn’t,” Kurt assured. “If you don’t like Blaine, then I don’t know what to tell you. He’s very important to me. He’s my family.”

“He’s your brother.”

“Yes,” Kurt bit stubbornly at the insistent terminology. “He is.”

 Adam watched him with hard eyes, and Kurt kept his jaw set. “Well,” Adam said in parting. “Maybe you should tell Blaine that.”

And then he left.

_o-O-o_

The Blaine-sized stint in Kurt and Adam’s relationship had confused Kurt to the point of never mentioning when Adam was around, which shouldn’t have been so hard. But apparently Kurt did spend a lot of time talking about Blaine, but that made perfect sense considering how much time they spent together. If something funny happened while he was shopping, of course Blaine would be part of the story because they did all their shopping together. He spent most of his time at school, which he could talk about, but NYADA classes were dull after Kurt vowed to steer clear of the drama pool, which was vast and Kurt decided he wanted no part of. And he heard all about it from Rachel, who seemed to live off of it, so by the time he hung out with Adam the topics almost always seemed exhausted.

Of course, what had Kurt the most bewildered was that final sentence Adam left him with on Thanksgiving night. Why would Kurt need to tell Blaine that he thought of him as a brother? They didn’t need to talk about something like that; they spent the majority of their lives together. _Of course_ they were family. He was closer to Blaine than he was to Finn, who was now legally his step brother. And as much as Blaine loved Cooper, he had never gone into detail to him about all that he had shared with Kurt.

But it weighed on his mind so much that one Friday night just before Christmas, Kurt couldn’t stop himself from blurting, “Would you consider us brothers?”

The pair of them were having a facial night. They looked a little ridiculous, some homemade gloop covering their faces, sitting back on Blaine’s shitty couch with their feet up on the coffee table. The question struck Blaine oddly, Kurt could see in what the other boy could move of his eyebrows. “Um. What?”

Well, crap. He wasn’t expecting to have to explain any of that. “I-I mean, I’m just saying. We’re family, right? I definitely consider Rachel to be my sister.”

Frowning as much as he could, Blaine shrugged, “I mean, yeah.”

A spurt of irrational annoyance, not at Blaine, trickled through him. “Yeah as in we’re family, or yeah as in we’re brothers?”

“Um. Is there a difference?”

“Is there one to you?” Kurt asked quickly.

Blaine squirmed slightly. “Do you want there to be?”

Huffing, Kurt rolled his eyes, “This isn’t about what _I_ want to call it; I’m asking _you_.”

“Kurt, what-” Blaine said, sitting up to look at him fully, “-… is this about?”

Clenching his jaw, Kurt admitted, “I don’t know. Adam was just being weird.” Blaine was quiet at this, and his face even harder to read under the product all over it. Itching to ask, Kurt couldn’t stop himself from wondering, “Do you like Adam?”

And Kurt could read the way Blaine’s lips pinched together, just slightly, even though he answered, quietly, “Why wouldn’t I?”

A little disheartened that Blaine had just lied to him, Kurt coaxed, “You can be honest. I really need you to be.”

Blaine turned his head, acting annoyed, though Kurt could read it as anxious. “He’s been kind of weird around me. I don’t think he likes me.” But did that mean that Blaine didn’t like him because Adam didn’t like Blaine, or did he not like Adam because of who Adam was? Before Kurt could continue, Blaine brought the conversation back. “I have a brother, Kurt, and I’m closer to you than I ever have been with him. But even if we’re talking about Rachel; I’m also closer to you than I am with her. Brothers and sisters- they’re kind of who you’re stuck with no matter what. I chose you, and we chose each other. I don’t know,” he shook his head, formulating a sentence. “I don’t think the terminology really matters. What matters is that we love each other, and we chose to be important people to each other.”

Letting Blaine’s words sink in, Kurt took a deep breath. “I thought the terminology would be important to you.”

“I think that the act of loving each other is more important than the terminology,” Blaine explained, and his arms came up to cross over his chest as he sat back against the couch. “Did I ever tell you that I don’t think I loved my parents? The biological ones, I mean.” Tilting his head, Kurt let him continue, intrigued. “They were actually kind of horrible. I don’t have any memories of them hugging me or telling me that they loved me. Cooper got the worst of it, I think, because he was so old when they died, but I don’t know what kind of person I would be if they had continued to raise me. They were… frankly, kind of mean and heartless. Maybe I would grow to love them, maybe I would get to see them more as people than as parents, but all I’m left with is people who threw away my drawings I brought home from kindergarten.

“I had so much more love from Hiram and LeRoy, and even Rachel showed her love to me more than Cooper did. She was at least interested in playing with me and knowing how my day went, which Cooper had never been until after the adoption. But I think _you_ were always the kindest person to me. So the words… don’t really mean as much to me. The action does. Does that make sense?”

Kurt sighed deeply. “We did really have an effect on each other growing up, didn’t we?”

“Oh, definitely,” Blaine agreed. “Blood didn’t matter, terminology didn’t matter; we were important to each other.”

Nodding along, Kurt thought about it. He could have opened up about the big things, his mother’s death, with Rachel or perhaps his dad, but he didn’t. He opened up with Blaine, and that was before any stupid crush even got in the way. Rachel was his best friend officially because she needed the term, but Blaine was… not someone who needed to be defined to him. They just were. And fuck Adam if he needs any explanation of that. It made sense to the two of them, and that’s all that mattered.

“…Do you think we should wash this off now?” Blaine asked, finger tapping into the gloopy mask on his face.

_o-O-o_

Kurt and Adam didn’t break up until the end of January. It came to a head after Rachel, oblivious as ever, asked for confirmation on what she and Kurt were planning for Blaine’s birthday. Adam was being ridiculous, and Kurt was tired of making Blaine some taboo subject around him and his fragile ego, so Kurt answered honestly, requesting they visit a sushi bar that Blaine liked. They hadn’t even been planning anything grand, and the conversation ended after Rachel agreed and asked Kurt to call the place to book a reservation.

Adam had gone quiet, latching onto Kurt in what Kurt now knew to be jealousy until Rachel left for a late booking of the school rehearsal room. Peeved, turned to him sharply. “Why does Blaine’s name have to be taboo between us?”

“Your brother, you mean.”

“Okay, you know what,” Kurt stood up off the bed they were resting on, brushing Adam’s domineering hand away from his shoulder, “this has to stop. Blaine is important to me, and you’re important to me too. I shouldn’t have to be so stressed out about the fact that you hate him. You have no reason to be jealous of him!”

The hurt in his eyes had a layer of anger over them. “Oh please, Kurt.”

“Will you stop acting like a fourteen-year-old and have a conversation with me?” Kurt begged, annoyed by the tone of voice Adam had chosen. “It’s bad enough you act weird around Blaine; you shouldn’t be giving me that kind of attitude-”

“Oh _I_ act weird around Blaine?” Adam raised his voice, an ugly look on his features. “That’s rich, considering he was the one who kept shoving your history down my throat and making it into a bloody competition.”

“Okay, what are you even talking about-”

He mimicked an unfair tone, bringing it down to Blaine’s register, “‘Oh Kurt, remember that time I watched you in a play when we were kids? Remember how I’ve always been such an important part of your life? Remember how I know all your secrets, so no one else should even try to get to know you’-”

“What the hell-?”

“It was _every_ conversation we had over dinner before your other friends decided to make a big scene and ruin the night, and then even after that- he kept posting memories to your Facebook wall every other day with some new old inside joke known only to the pair of you. And then there would be all the selfies, and how he’d always call you whenever we were on a date- did you even notice that?” Despite how badly Kurt wanted to deny any of this, Kurt could not remember the last date that he had with Adam that somehow didn’t involve Kurt getting a call from Blaine. But Kurt hardly ever answered them when they were out, because it would be rude to answer a call during the middle of dinner. “And what about all of the presents he’s bought you over the past four months? For someone who can’t even buy a new couch, he’s certainly got enough money to spare on your broach collection. Tell me Kurt, _why_ am I competing over a boyfriend I already have?”

Kurt hadn’t even thought about any of that. It was true that Blaine had bought him a few accessories when they were out shopping together, but Kurt also paid for Blaine’s coffee every chance that he got, and when he spotted a bowtie he knew he would like, because that’s just what friends do. They were never expensive, except for the one Tiffany’s new season sapphire broach, which was for Christmas. But despite himself, Kurt couldn’t remember them spending so much money on each other before September. He shook his head, starting over in his mind. “Adam. There is _nothing_ going on between me and Blaine. I’m dating _you_.”

“So then stop choosing him over me.”

Blood boiling, Kurt groped for words. “ _When_ have I ever chose him over you? We’re always going on dates, and I have _never_ canceled on you for him.”

Finally, Adam stood up, his own anger getting the better of him. “Do you think I don’t see the way you look at him? Do you think that I can’t tell you have feelings for him?”

Kurt’s face fell. “What are you talking about,” he said, his voice going flat.

“What, am I a rebound?”

“ _What_ are you _talking_ about?!”

“Have you guys never dated before? Is that why you guys won’t stop-”

Kurt now had tears streaming down his face, “I can’t believe that you are _so_ insecure with yourself that you think Blaine and I are having some secret rendezvous-”

“Do you love me?”

“What?”

“We’ve been dating five months. Do you love me?”

Breathing hard, Kurt clenched his teeth, “You think _now’s_ the moment I’d want to confess that?”

“Well, it certainly wouldn’t happen after a magnificent night of love making, that’s for sure, considering you won’t even let me touch you lower than your bellybutton.”

Feeling himself grow small at the reminder, Kurt stepped back. “Stop it, Adam,” he pleaded more than commanded. Kurt had grown up in small-town Ohio; he was uncomfortable with sex at this point in his life. They had a conversation about this, months ago, about Kurt wanting to wait until he was ready. He never expected Adam to throw it at him like that.

But he didn’t. “At first I thought it made perfect sense for you to want to wait, given your age, but then Blaine, always Blaine-”

“Blaine _what_?” Kurt yelled before Adam finished. “We’ve _never_ done anything together. How many times do I have to _tell_ you that nothing has ever, or will ever go on between me and Blaine?”

“No Kurt,” Adam said with finality, not yelling anymore. He was looking at Kurt with the same intensity he saw on Thanksgiving. “Something will go on between you and Blaine. And I’m not going to let myself still be dating you when it happens.”

And he walked out of Kurt’s life.

_o-O-o_

Kurt had tried to hide his grief for when Rachel got back from her rehearsal, but they lived in too small a space for her to not hear his sniffles from the other side of their curtain partition. She verbalized her ‘ _Knock knock_ ,’ nothing there to actually hit against. Wiping his nose against his comforter and not even caring, he gave her entry.

“It seems like you and Adam had a fight,” she observed, as if asking permission for Kurt to talk about it. Kurt sat up, unfolding the covers to pat for her to join him. When she was snuggled against his side, she asked gently, “Are you guys okay?”

Sighing deeply, Kurt swallowed the thickness in his throat. “We broke up.”

“Oh,” she cooed sympathetically, rubbing his hand with hers. “What happened? You guys seemed so good for each other.”

There was a pang of guilt that unsettled him, because he wasn’t sure how much he would be able to really tell her. He hated not being able to talk to her about things. “He had jealousy issues.”

“What? With who?”

Taking a deep breath, Kurt prepared himself. “Blaine.”

He watched Rachel’s eyebrows furrow. “What? Why?”

Rolling his eyes, Kurt tried to process it as he spoke. He had been trying to process it all night. “Because of how much we hang out, and how much Blaine posts on my Facebook wall, and… I don’t really know. We’ve only ever fought about him. After Thanksgiving, he had this whole thing about whether I considered Blaine my family or if I considered him a brother, and none of it made sense then, and it still doesn’t make sense now. I mean, I have never, not once, chose Blaine over Adam. I saw them both equally.”

“He’s probably just projecting,” Rachel shrugged. “Believe me, as much as I would love it if you and Blaine got together, I think if something was there between you two, it would have already shown.”

Kurt blinked to himself slowly for a long, long moment. “…What?”

A small smirk came to Rachel’s lips, “Well, you know. My brother and my best friend being in love. What wouldn’t be awesome about that?” Kurt did nothing but blink more, so she continued. “You know I’ve always wanted us to be family by law. Not that it matters, but it’d be cool. I thought we'd have that with Finn, but if that doesn’t work out, then yeah. It would be awesome.”

Kurt did nothing but blink for a long moment.

Rachel thought it would be awesome if he and Blaine started dating. Kurt could swear the room was swaying, he could swear that the world was turning over on itself, because in what universe would Rachel Berry be okay with her best friend dating her brother? “U-Um,” Kurt stuttered. “C-Can you come back with that?”

“Remember when we used to play house?” Rachel confessed. “But you always refused to be my husband. You were always the Uncle, and we would care for our Cabbage Patch Kids and you would always remember when it was time to feed them, or to bathe them. I don’t think I ever got over wanting you to be my family. I mean, I know the actual legality of the title of it doesn’t matter, but having you legally able to visit my bedside as I’m on my sickbed would always be important to me. And what were the odds that both you _and_ my brother would end up gay? It seemed to fit!”

Shaking his head, Kurt closed his eyes. “Rachel, that’s- I don’t even-”

“I know, it’s a little problematic to assume that just because you were both gay, anything would come of it. I gave up the hope that anything would happen a while ago. I mean, like I said, if anything was there, it would have already shown by now.”

Wanting to put it plain and simple, Kurt stated, every word slicing him as they came out, “So… you think it’d be a _good_ idea if me and Blaine dated.”

“Of course!” She piped, rather cheerfully.

Kurt couldn’t process it. He shook his head, insisting, “No, no. No, Rachel, it would be an awful, _awful_ idea if me and Blaine dated.”

She scrunched her face, smiling, “Why would that be awful?”

“Because what if we- if we broke up? Even if we didn’t, it would disrupt everything that we’ve had together our whole lives. You realize that if Blaine and I dated and then broke up, it would affect _our_ relationship together?”

“Okay, why are you taking this so serious,” Rachel asked, her smiling only faltering slightly. “It’s not like you guys have ever…” she trailed off, her expression echoing one that he’s seen on her brother, years ago, as he too came to a conclusion because Kurt was too idiotic to mask his intention correctly. “Kurt, have you and Blaine…” Kurt was shaking his head, but Rachel was suddenly getting tears in her eyes, and she dropped her tone as she sat up. “Okay, Kurt, remember two years ago, when you and Blaine fought, and I didn’t pry because I knew it was none of my business, and because I trusted that you would tell me if it was something that I needed to know?” Kurt looked away, gripping onto the blankets. “Is there something that I should know?”

He had never hidden something like this from Rachel. He never got over the guilt of hiding it from her for all of those years. The only things he didn’t tell her were the little things he knew she would overreact about, or when he knew she would want him to wait until _after_ the audition, or the glee club performance, to not throw her concentration. The guilt of it was irrepressible, and feeling her hurt because of it… “Blaine kissed me.” He couldn’t look at her when he said it.

She didn’t gasp, but it took her a long moment before she asked, “When?”

“After your Christmas party,” he confessed, his throat sore, but needing to get the words out. “And I spent six months hating him, because-” he waivered, breathing slowly. “Because I was mad that I had spent years hiding how I felt about him, and he just- _accidentally_ kissed me.”

“Wait- six months?” Rachel pestered. “ _Years_? And what do you mean, ‘accidentally’-”

“He didn’t’ do it- consciously. I had been hiding how I felt for years, and then one day he just kissed me, out of nowhere, and he didn’t even realize that he had done it, and I was so- angry, that he could just do something like that, when I couldn’t let myself even _look_ at him too long.” It felt like poison coming out of him, and he was crying again, still worked up from Adam but now he couldn’t even think about Adam because _Rachel would be okay with him and Blaine dating_.

“Kurt, why would you not tell me,” Rachel said, and it physically pained Kurt to hear her ask it that way.

“Because it was irresponsible. I thought that you would hate me, and I thought that there was _no way_ Blaine would ever see me like that. What would even become of us if it did? We would- break up, and then all of our relationships would be ruined.”

“Oh, Kurt, no,” Rachel consoled him, pulling his head down so that he could cry into her chest. He held her, feeling pathetic. “Of course that wouldn’t happen. I could _never_ hate you.”

“I’m so sorry for hiding this from you. God, I’m so-” Rachel cut him off, shushing him sweetly.

Rachel let him cry into her. After about ten minutes, Kurt had to concede that perhaps Adam had a point. Perhaps he wasn’t as over Blaine as he thought he was. Here he was, the night of breaking up with Adam, and he wasn’t even crying about him. It was still all too confusing, Rachel somehow having always been okay with the idea of Kurt and Blaine being together, Adam somehow seeing right through what Kurt himself couldn’t see, and Blaine somehow…

Was what Adam had said true? Had Blaine been standoffish to Adam first? But it didn’t make sense at all, because Blaine was the one who agreed to forgetting about it. Blaine wanted to pretend like he hadn’t kissed him, agreed wholeheartedly that it was best for them to just be friends, to ignore the fact that Kurt had a crush on him. And who even knew _why_ Blaine kissed him in the first place? Blaine certainly didn’t. They were both hungover, both tired and sore and not putting too much thought into what they were doing.

…Why _had_ Blaine kissed him?

The following morning, Kurt stopped Rachel before they separated for their classes. “Rachel,” he said carefully, and she looked up at him openly. “Blaine can’t know about any of this.”

She tilted her head, “What do you mean?”

“We both agreed to forget about it. I promised that I would get over my crush, and I have,” he assured to the best of his ability. “We haven’t talked about it in almost two years. He never reciprocated my feelings. It was done. Don’t tell him why Adam and I broke up.”

Gripping her bag, she sighed, “Kurt, I wouldn’t tell him why you and Adam broke up anyway. That’s your business. But I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not confused.”

Lowering his voice, Kurt asked her, “About what?”

“Well, did Blaine ask for you guys to forget about it, or did you?”

“Rachel, we both agreed-”

“Or did _you_ say you wanted to forget about it, and Blaine let you?”

They were stopped outside of Kurt’s building, and Rachel still had another block to walk to get to hers. Kurt felt his heart bang against his chest. “What do you mean?”

She studied him, and Kurt didn’t like it when she studied him. He was always so in control of their conversations, even when he let her win an argument. “I don’t know, Kurt. I’ve got to get going.”

_o-O-o_


	6. Chapter 6

_o-O-o_

It was infuriating. While telling Rachel about his crush was liberating, finally not having any secrets from her, she kept looking at Kurt with those pitiful glances. They hadn’t talked about it anymore than those two days after he and Adam broke up, but Kurt could feel her judgment whenever the two of them visited Blaine’s apartment, or when Kurt texted her to let her know that he was with Blaine and that he would be home later. She hadn’t said anything to Blaine, or at least Kurt hadn’t been acting any different.

Kurt didn’t say anything more than that he and Adam broke up. He feigned not wanting to talk about it, like the cut was still too fresh, and Blaine didn’t pressure him. But there was something stifling growing between them, something that he was sure he was festering there himself. Blaine didn’t seem to notice it, but Kurt was hyperaware of every time Blaine looked at him, of every time they laughed together or Blaine squeezed his hand, or had the length of time for that smile been too long?

Eventually, Kurt sat down and had a talk with himself. He couldn’t let himself analyze Blaine. He learned that years ago, after walking in on him with Sebastian. Not only was it exhausting, but Kurt hadn’t been able find anything. Rachel was leading him on, that echo of her last question of the subject, and so was Adam, his over-sensitive jealousy issues. They had both fabricated something in him, some dumb, feeble hope that Blaine could possibly harbor any type of feelings toward him. He couldn’t let himself ruin their relationship, because despite what Rachel seemed to think, it would disrupt _everything_.

And like always, Kurt perfected his ability to ignore. Months later, Kurt found himself once again hanging out with Blaine in Blaine’s apartment. Finn had flown out, and though he was Kurt’s brother, Kurt agreed to let Rachel and him have the dorm room together for the night. He was a little nervous; they hadn’t gotten back together, officially, so it was a huge mystery to him how their night would turn out.

Blaine was allowing Kurt to sleep on that awful couch- well, actually, Blaine had offered Kurt his bed, and said that he’d take the couch himself, but Kurt was not going to let that happen. They had a movie marathon going on and two boxes of pizza sprawled out on the coffee table. They were celebrating the fact that the audition Blaine had back in November had borne fruit and landed a theater only just off-Broadway. Kurt had just finished his last final earlier that day, and he was ready to erase his mind. He wasn’t comfortable with alcohol or parties, and Blaine admitting to preferring a night in after the night out he had with the writers and producers the day before.

It was one o’clock in the morning and they were both blinking slowly and yawning. Moulin Rouge had just ended, so they were a little teary as well. When Blaine stood up to eject the disk, Kurt pondered out loud, “Do you think Rachel and Finn will get back together?”

Silent for a moment, Blaine concluded, “I know she really missed him this past year. And it’s summer again, so they’ll be able to see each other.” He frowned, closing the case of the movie and putting it back on its shelf. “I think they’d be able to make it long distance for a while, but Rachel’s dreams are so big. And it’d be hard for Finn to keep up with her without feeling so below her.”

“Such a shame that love isn’t enough, sometimes,” Kurt sighed. “Maybe after she’s won her first Tony, you think?”

“Well, who knows how long that’ll take. There’s something weird that happens during this time in people’s lives,” Blaine made his way back to the couch. “That second puberty really makes you change, sometimes. They might not end up even remotely on the same page, after it.”

Pulling his blanket up to his chin, Kurt snuggled down in his seat. The couch really was awfully uncomfortable. “You didn’t change much,” he noted.

Chuckling slightly, Blaine disagreed, “Yeah I did. I used to be so worried about what other people thought about me.”

Scrunching his nose, Kurt shook his head, “Well, yeah, that, but not much else. You’re still the same.”

“Well, I also had a really rough childhood that made me mature faster than usual,” Blaine conceded. “That’s what my therapist always says, at least.”

“You were always very mature,” Kurt nodded. “Do you think I’ll change?”

Blaine looked at him, sleepy, but determined. “Probably. But you were always very mature for your age as well, so who knows how much. Don’t worry- the second puberty change is always a good one. You learn a lot at this point in your life, and people just about always come out of it for the better.”

“Change is scary,” Kurt noted.

“Yeah,” Blaine agreed. “But you’re a Gemini, so you’re very good at adapting.”

Dropping his face, Kurt deadpanned, “That slight was not missed.”

Laughing, Blaine pulled on Kurt’s arm, standing up and beckoning Kurt to follow. “Come on, it’s bed time.”

Prepared for this, Kurt freed his arm and snuggled back onto the uncomfortable cushions, “Yeah, and I’m sleeping on the couch, so.”

“Kurt, you are not sleeping on that couch,” Blaine scolded. “I told you that you’re sleeping in my bed and that I’m going to take the couch. That couch is awful and I’m not going to subject you to it. Besides which, I washed the sheets _especially_ for you, so if you don’t sleep in my bed it’d be rude _and_ a waste of water.”

Pulling the blanket over his head, Kurt called merrily, “Good night, Blaine!”, not willing to get up for a moment. A few moments settled by where Kurt could still feel Blaine pouting behind him, but Kurt paid him no notice. If Kurt wasn’t going to move, then Blaine would have no choice but to sleep in his own bed. So if-

Kurt let out a squeak of fright as his body was lifted into the air, blanket and all cradled in Blaine’s arms. “ _Blaine_! Oh my god!” Kurt nagged, his voice high pitched as he tried to squirm his way out of Blaine’s hold. Really, he was taller than Blaine now, Blaine should not be carrying him bridal-style anywhere. Writhing as he was, though, Kurt couldn’t break free until he was being tossed onto Blaine’s bed.

“Have a good night!” Blaine sing-songed, making a dash toward the living room, but Kurt managed to meet him at the door, grabbing a hold of his middle. Blaine had his hands on the doorframe, not letting himself be thrown back. “Kurt, _sto-op_ ,” he elongated his whine, but he was laughing through it, “please, just go to sleep in my bed!”

“I was already comfortable on the couch!” Kurt argued.

“That is a _lie_ \- it’s impossible to be comfortable on that couch.” As a distraction, Kurt tickled his fingers up Blaine’s ribs, who crumpled inwards at the touch with a yell, leaving enough space for Kurt to squeeze around him. He didn’t get far; Blaine had grabbed his wrist to tug-of-war with Kurt’s arm. “Okay wait! Wait! Parley!”

Laughing, Kurt steadied himself before he toppled over from the force of Blaine’s pull. “We’re not pirates! That doesn’t work!”

“ _Ku-urt_ ,” Blaine whined again, and Kurt rolled his eyes, letting his defenses down enough to give Blaine a false impression that he wasn’t going to run anymore. Just as planned, Blaine dropped his arm and began to talk, giving Kurt the exact moment he needed to dash out to the living room and hop back onto the couch. He had left his blanket in on Blaine’s bed. “That was cheating, Kurt!” Blaine scolded as he made his way back into the living room, arms crossed, his tone mismatched with the smile on his face. “Come on, let’s talk about it!”

“You can talk,” Kurt smiled back at him. “I can sleep.”

Shoulders dropping, Blaine refrained his bargain. “If you sleep on my bed tonight, I’ll wake up early to go to the bakery and get you doughnuts.” Kurt’s eyes flashed to him; the bakery down the block had the most delicious Boston Cream doughnuts in all of New York. “I’ll even buy you a slice cheesecake, if they have any. And coffee.”

With that, Kurt sat up. “Coffee from Maggie’s?” That coffee shop was a bit more of a walk, but it was the best coffee place in Blaine’s area. Blaine nodded. Well, if that was what Blaine was offering. “You’re really getting the short end of every stick in this situation, you realize?”

“Yup,” Blaine voiced. “That’s how serious I am about not making you sleep on that couch.”

Grumbling, though definitely excited for his breakfast in the morning, Kurt stomped his way across the room, to where Blaine was smiling widely at him. Kurt scoffed, “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“Mhm. The most,” Blaine agreed. “I really am quite exhausting. You should go sleep it away.”

“‘ _You should go sleep it away’_ ,” Kurt mocked. They continued their walk to the bedroom, Blaine following Kurt. “It doesn’t make _any_ sense for me to kick you out of your bed, and then for you to buy me a high calorie, no nutrition breakfast in the morning. I’ve fallen asleep on that couch before!”

“Once, and it was only for twenty minutes, and you complained about your neck for like four days after,” Blaine countered. Kurt watched as Blaine prepped the bed, turning out the covers and fluffing a pillow. “I’m the one who decided to buy that couch, therefore I will be the one to sleep on it. You can sleep on the floor if you want, but you will not be sleeping on that couch.”

“Your logic is fallible.” Blaine hummed in response, patting the bed for Kurt to get into, ever the gracious host he always was. Of course Blaine would win that argument. There were things that Kurt would always win- debates and snark wars- but when Blaine wanted something, Kurt was powerless but to give it to him. And besides, did Blaine actually _win_ anything with all of this? The only thing Blaine won was to not be the one feeling guilty, at the price of expensive pastries and a sore back. Dropping his shoulders, Kurt conceded, “You’re too much, Blaine. Thank you.” And because Kurt wasn’t paying attention, he was too tired, too enthralled-

He kissed him.

He didn’t realize it until he was sitting on the bed, lips tingling. There was a feeling like static coursing down his veins as Kurt recounted the last moments of his life. Remembering Blaine’s lips suddenly pressed against his own, but Blaine hadn’t moved, _Kurt_ had, to sit himself down on the bed Blaine prepared for him. Just out of nowhere, after years and years of repressing, bursting out of him like some innate necessity to kiss Blaine. Almost a decade of suppressing the want, and in a millisecond- another _millisecond_.

Chest compressing, Kurt looked up to Blaine. There was something alight in his eyes, the golden color sparkling in a terrifying way, and Kurt- “I need to go,” he said quickly, raising up off of the bed, late hour be damned. Before he could make a step, his face was being cradled and Blaine pulled him back.

Blaine’s lips were on his again for the third time in their lives, but two seconds in was already doubling the amount of time they had spent kissing, then tripling, then Kurt stopped counting because Blaine readjusted their position, leaning into Kurt with his whole body. Kurt was taller, but Blaine had him by the cradle of the head and Kurt felt like he was swimming. He could feel wetness on his face, but he wasn’t crying. Blaine was crying, his streak of tears now on both of their cheeks.

After an eternity, the kiss ended too soon. Blaine had pulled back, Kurt frozen in his spot from the moment they met. His eyes were shining, and close, and Kurt couldn’t look away. Just as he had half a mind to run, again, like he always did, Blaine begged him softly, “Don’t go.”

Words out in the air made it easier for Kurt to back away, his legs not moving as they had already been against the bed, but Blaine dropped him either way. He had control over his eyes again, no longer locked in place, but he couldn’t yet breathe correctly. It just didn’t make sense, any of it, and Kurt’s brain wasn’t able to reel it all in. It was still frozen.

Soft as wind, Blaine asked him, “Are you going to run away again?” Kurt blinked back at him. “Not talk to me for six months?” It didn’t make sense, so Kurt said nothing. Tears still streaming, Blaine took a harsh intake of breath before saying, “I tried, Kurt, I really did. But I can’t _do_ this anymore. And _you_ were the one who kissed _me_ this time, so don’t- don’t ignore _me_ , get mad at _me_. Because I _tried_.”

“What?” Kurt breathed.

“You- wanted to be friends. _You_ wanted to forget. _You_ wanted to pull away, so I did,” though there was anger in the words, there was nothing but exhaustion in the tone. He was quiet, as though whispered to keep the world out. “I pulled away and let you do what you wanted, follow the choice _you_ made. So don’t get mad at me.” Kurt couldn’t respond. Blaine told him, “Sit down,” so they did. They were quiet for another minute, but Blaine couldn’t seem to stand it. “Why did you want to forget?”

Kurt didn’t know, he truly didn’t know what to make of any of it, let alone how Blaine was able to talk so much. “What are you talking about? _We_ chose to forget about it, Blaine, _we_ chose to ignore it all because some stupid crush shouldn’t put our relationship in jeopardy.”

“No, Kurt, _you_ chose that,” Blaine reiterated for him, and Kurt eyed him carefully. “It was some stupid crush that made you kiss me tonight? Some stupid crush that persisted for years, even after you vowed you would forget about it?”

Shaking, Kurt blurted, “I’m sorry! Okay? I’m sorry, Blaine, I tried to ignore it-”

“Why.”

A few breaths later, Kurt repeated, “‘ _Why_?’”

“Why did you try to ignore it?” Blaine said plainer.

A better question was why Blaine had to ask such a question. Kurt had tears of his own on his cheeks now. “B-Because, we shouldn’t let a stupid teenage crush come between our relationship.”

“And you decided that, all on your own,” Blaine finished for him, a hint of bitterness coming through.

Trying to defend himself, Kurt began, “Well I wasn’t-”

“I thought that it was your choice whether you pursued me or not, and that I didn’t have a choice in the matter. I couldn’t force you. But it didn’t make sense, at all, _why_ you didn’t want to,” Blaine ranted, and Kurt stopped trying to talk. “If it wasn’t because of the age gap, then it was because of Rachel, which would be completely valid if Rachel didn’t _love_ the idea of the two of us together. So for years I thought that you didn’t want to because I wasn’t enough, and I just had to live with that, but now you’re telling me that you don’t to because you’re afraid it would somehow ruin our relationship?”

“Okay, first off, I had no idea Rachel wouldn’t be a problem until like, four months ago, and second-” He studied Blaine carefully, “why are you acting like me having a blatant crush on you wouldn’t get awkward?”

Blaine’s eyes were incredulously wide, eyebrows furrowed as though amazed. “Because we’d be dating, which tends to strengthen relationships, not ruin them.”

Kurt’s spine stiffened. “What?”

“Kurt, did you not think that I liked you back?” And the rush of information hit him head-on, flooding in faster than Blaine could talk. “Kurt, _I_ was the one who kissed _you_. I thought that you didn’t like me back, and that you were creeped out that your best friend’s older brother kissed you out of nowhere. I had no idea that you were avoiding me because you had a crush until you told me, which still doesn’t make any sense at all. And then you confessed that you liked me, and then immediately said that you wanted to take it back, and Kurt, I had no idea what was even going on, but I figured that you did, and that you, despite liking me, did not want to start dating, then there had to be a reason.” Blaine took a moment to let everything settle before adding, “Kurt, was the reason because you, after having been kissed by me, thought I didn’t also have feelings for you?”

Mind reeling, Kurt brought his hands up to his temple, trying to pull some sense into the conversation, “Okay, you- _you_ never stopped seeing me as your little sister’s best friend.”

“I stopped seeing you as my little sister’s best friend when I was _ten_ and you told me that the scar from the car accident my parents died in meant that I was strong enough to heal. I stopped seeing you as someone younger than me when you were crying in our bathroom after having just lost your mom,” Blaine explained slowly. “Which is why I freaked out, thinking that you thought that I assaulted you after Rachel’s Christmas party, because I had stopped thinking of you as younger than me when I really should not have, because I should have been concerned about not taking advantage of you when I inevitably couldn’t stop myself from kissing you.”

The news went against all of the rules Kurt had in play in his mind. All the facts about why Blaine acted the way he did suddenly had a new meaning, a new reason behind them. “You- liked me? When? For how long?”

“Honestly?” Blaine said, his shoulders dropping. “I realized it the night before. When I was falling asleep next to you. But I think it was there for a long time.” He sighed, eyeing Kurt. “What about you? When did you realize you liked me?”

Chuckling humorlessly, Kurt admitted, “When I was twelve and I felt your bicep.” Blaine huffed out a laugh, and Kurt continued, “And then when I was fourteen I walked in on you making out with Sebastian and did everything that I could to suppress it.” Once again, Kurt put his face in his hands. “What have we been _doing_?”

“‘We’?” Blaine questioned, sounding a little hysterical. “Kurt, _you_ chose to ignore it.”

And as Kurt turned to look at him, he realized something. “Oh my god, you _were_ making everything a competition with Adam, weren’t you.”

Blaine’s face grew stony. He clenched his jaw before shrugging a shoulder, “He _started_ it.”

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Kurt whispered, rubbing at the front of his forehead lest the headache grow wild. “Oh my _god_ ,” he said louder, because everything that Adam had said, everything about jealousy that Adam had been afraid of did not stem from nothing, and even what Rachel had said- even _Rachel_ saw through it. “Blaine, what-” he was about to ask something completely different, something not even remotely what he changed it to, because when he looked back to find Blaine watching him, he veered off. “What happens now?” he whispered again, the secret between them.

His Adam’s apple bobbed, disappearing for a moment. When he spoke again, it was low. “We go to bed, and then in the morning,” He placed his hand on Kurt’s arm, “we _don’t_ forget.”

Kurt’s heart hammered against his ribs. He nodded. Blaine stood, as if about to leave. Kurt stopped him. “The bed’s big enough for both of us,” he mentioned, the offer now no longer taboo, the idea that they _had_ to sleep separately.

Shaking his head, Blaine softly told him, “The last time we slept in the same bed, I fell in love.”

Heart thumping twice, Kurt felt a new wave of courage as he sighed back, “I thought that was the plan.”

Blaine was in front of him now, looking nowhere but at Kurt’s face. “We should talk.”

“In the morning,” Kurt promised.

“In the morning,” Blaine repeated, and then he was leaning down, and then they were kissing again.

_o-O-o_

Blaine didn’t let them kiss for more than ten minutes. Just as Kurt wanted to touch him heavier, just as their kisses started to stray, he stopped them. It was for the best, Kurt knew, but kissing Adam hadn’t felt the same. He was always reserved with Adam, blushing at the idea of any wandering touches. But with Blaine… he still blushed, but more out of arousal than embarrassment. Blaine had shivered when he kissed his jaw, though he pulled away while promising Kurt that he did like it, but that they should stop before it became impossible to.

Kurt knew that he loved sleeping in someone else’s arms not only from nights with Adam, but even when he and Rachel would cuddle. And when, all those years ago, he woke up on someone’s chest. This time he had Blaine spooned against him, waking up to the soft skin at the crook of his neck under his nose. Unable to believe that he was allowed this, Kurt inhaled deeply. He had always enjoyed the way Blaine smelled, but he never let himself be immersed by it in this way.

He jumped slightly when Blaine rolled onto his back, unaware that he wasn’t the only one awake. Breath caught at the sight of Blaine’s dilated, honey eyes, Kurt didn’t have a chance when Blaine whispered, “Good morning.”

“H-Hi,” he choked, now looking at Blaine’s lips, pink and relaxed with sleep.

“You know, you’re allowed to kiss me now,” Blaine told him.

His cheeks must have flushed with color, judging by how hot his face was. Turning away, Kurt countered, “I thought we were supposed to talk first.”

Humming, Blaine’s finger began tracing patterns on the path of Kurt’s knuckles. “We can get a few distractions out of the way, though.”

So Blaine thought that Kurt would be too distracted to talk. Needing to prove himself, Kurt tossed, “Why don’t _you_ kiss me then? If you’re going to be too distracted-” and Blaine did, throwing Kurt off. It was something else, Kurt realized as Blaine commandeered his bottom lip, to be kissed by Blaine. Something about the electricity in his veins that was missing from every other kiss he’d ever had. He wanted Blaine to kiss him as if it was a _need_. Like without it he was starving himself. How did he go so long not letting himself have this?

It felt so good that Kurt could feel his eyes welling up. In a rush, Kurt swung his leg fully over Blaine’s hips. Blaine’s fist gripped into Kurt’s t-shirt as he kissed him harder, finally flattening out to gently push Kurt away. “Okay, okay, good time to stop,” he muttered, opening his eyes to Kurt sitting back up on his thighs. “Oh, wow. Okay. Stopping.”

And Kurt felt sexy as Blaine eyed him up and down, watching him get flustered at the mere sight of him. Biting his lip, Kurt had the urge to confess. “Blaine?”

“Yeah?” Blaine breathed uneasily.

“I’m a virgin.”

Kurt watched Blaine short-circuit at the words. “Don’t tell me you were waiting for me,” he said, shaking his head nervously.

“I-I-… wasn’t,” Kurt managed to say truthfully. “I really wasn’t. I just wanted it to be with someone that I really loved, and who I knew really loved me back.” Stomach whirring, Kurt blushed, “Would you… want that? With me?”

It took Blaine a moment to placate the words on his tongue. “Kurt, of course- but-” he rested his hand to Kurt’s chest as if he were touching something precious. “W-We don’t have to get into all of that yet. I want… _all_ of you, Kurt, and of course sex is part of that, but what I want more than that…” Kurt felt some of the anxiety in his stomach unclench, “is to love you. Which is saying something, because I really, really do want the sex part.”

Biting his lip, Kurt considered Blaine’s words, running his mind through the romance of it all. Blaine was sappy enough showing familial love. For the first time, he let himself picture how disgustingly romantic their future would be together, his heart racing because it’s not like Kurt would ever be able to pretend like that wasn’t _exactly_ what he wanted in a relationship. Blaine’s hand fell to his thigh, running down the outside as though it was innocent and didn’t make Kurt ignite. “Well what I want,” he said as he eyed the hand traveling slowly toward his knee before flashing them back up to Blaine’s, “are those doughnuts.”

Huffing out a laugh through his nose, Blaine’s head fell backwards, “Well, you have to get off of me if you want me to get you those doughnuts.”

Kurt scrunched his nose, leaning back onto his hands and admiring the way Blaine’s thumb was making circles just above his knee. “That’s a conundrum.”

“Mmm,” Blaine hummed, and then he was running both hands back up Kurt’s thighs, his upper body lifting off of the bed with ease until their chests touched. The sudden closeness shocked Kurt, but not as much as the two palms that groped each of his ass cheeks, hauling them closer. Blaine was kissing him again, taking advantage of Kurt’s gasping mouth to flick his tongue lightly over Kurt’s. With another squeeze to Kurt’s ass, who lifted up from the touch, Blaine laid him flat on his back. Kurt was still gasping on the bed ten minutes after Blaine left.

_o-O-o_

“So I was thinking that we wait to tell Rachel until after we know how her night with Finn went,” Kurt said as soon as Blaine walked through the door. He was sitting at the kitchen table, fully dressed now, having spent the entire half hour Blaine was away (save the first ten minutes spent convincing himself to have the decency to not jerk off) thinking over the way a relationship with Blaine could change things. He had spent a lot of his time over the past several years on the subject, but being face-to-face with the reality of it actually happening seemed to change his opinion on a lot of it. At Blaine’s raised eyebrow, Kurt continued, “Not that I think we should really keep this a secret at all, but we both know how heartbroken she could be, and we could be tactful about boasting our budding love in her face.”

Sauntering over to the table, Blaine hung his jacket over the back of the chair he pulled out for himself. While handing Kurt his coffee, Blaine questioned, “Aren’t we supposed to meet up for dinner tonight?”

Kurt’s heart skipped a beat. “Yeah.”

“So you’re telling me we’re going to go to dinner and pretend like there’s nothing new between us,” he leaned back in his chair with an air of fond disappointment, as if humoring Kurt’s antics even though he disagreed with them.

Proving himself, Kurt angled his chin defensively, “Only if they didn’t get back together.”

Sighing, Blaine leaned forward to place a hand to Kurt’s wrist. He was smiling, despite it. “Kurt, you know they’re not getting back together.”

“Well I- don’t want to be insensitive to their inability to be in a relationship together.”

“No, you’re scared to finally admit your feelings about me to everyone because you spent so long suppressing them.” Kurt felt his façade slip. He had something lodged in his throat, preventing him from speaking. “Kurt, Finn and Rachel know that they’re not going to get back together at this point in their lives. And yeah, they’re going to be sad about that, and maybe they will feel more lonely, but we can’t hide anymore, Kurt.” His shoulders dropped. “I’m tired of always hiding how I feel about you.”

Finally managing to swallow, Kurt sighed. “You’re right. I know- I just. I don’t want it to be awkward. Like, how are we even going to tell them? Are we just going to pop out from under the table holding hands, like ‘surprise, we’re dating now’, and completely ignore the fact that you and Rachel are siblings, and Finn and I are brothers, and Rachel and I are best friends, and usually families don’t have the connection that we apparently do.”

“First off,” Blaine giggled, “Both Rachel and I, and you and Finn, are _step_ siblings, and you and Finn weren’t family when they got together. And also, none of it matters anyway? Honestly, it’s just coincidence when you think about it. And we already know Rachel is going to be fine with it. I honestly have no clue how Finn will take it, but I can’t imagine he’d be any bit weirded out. I mean, your guys’ year of Glee Club was more incestuous than any of our relationships, so.” Kurt pursed his lips; Blaine had a point. “And we don’t have to like, shove it in their face. When the moment arises, we’ll let it slip.”

Shoulders tensing, Kurt reprimanded, “You can’t just _‘let it slip’_.”

Raising an eyebrow, Blaine tested, “Do you want me to give a speech or something?”

“God, no.”

Laughing, Blaine broke off a piece of doughnut, shrugging, “Then we’ll just have to tell them,” before popping it into his mouth.

Insides squirming, Kurt groaned into his coffee. How was Blaine not a ball of anxiety about it all like he was? He supposed Blaine didn’t have to worry about losing his best friend because of their relationship. “Easy for you to say,” Kurt grumbled. “They’re going to ask questions.”

Considering him for a moment, Blaine pursed his lips, “And what about the answer is so upsetting that you want to keep it a secret?” Kurt swallowed, unable to answer. “It’s not like we’re going to tell them that I had your cock in my mouth.”

Face immediately burning, Kurt sputtered, “But- you _haven’t_ had my cock in your mouth.”

Under Blaine’s gaze, something new and exciting in the way he was looking at him, Kurt’s ears started pounding. “By this evening you will have,” he said, low and promising, and Kurt’s head swam. Not sounding sorry, Blaine cocked his head, “Too much?”

“No,” Kurt breathed, voice now an octave too high. “I’ve just barely ever heard you say anything dirtier than a Disney Channel movie in the decade of knowing you.”

“Well, there’s a time and place. I also know that you tend to get rather flustered around sex, Mr. Virgin, so I was always respectful,” Blaine batted his eyelashes.

Sparked by the need to prove himself, Kurt met Blaine’s eye. “That’s a title I’d rather be done with.”

A pink tongue ran itself quickly over Blaine’s lower lip. “You’d better finish your coffee.”

“What if I’m done with it?” Kurt teased, one shoulder popping upward.

Sighing, Blaine shook his head, “We’ve still got a few more things to talk about. So you might as well enjoy the coffee I walked in the rain to go get you.”

Blinking, Kurt desperately tried to hold onto the flirty tone, but it fell flat with anxiety, “Like what?”

“Like,” Blaine dug for the topic for a moment, “what exactly the both of us are looking for with a relationship from each other.”

Kurt bit his lip. “I don’t know.”

“Kurt,” Blaine beseeched him.

“I- want to be your boyfriend,” Kurt conceded. “So, whatever comes with that.”

“Even if we might break up?”

Taken aback, Kurt gripped his coffee tighter. “What do you mean?”

Blaine’s eyes were hard on him, holding him in place. “I’m in this for the long haul. You’re the most beautiful person that I know, Kurt, and you’ve been in my life and my family’s life for longer than you haven’t been. We already know that we love each other, but we get to evolve, now. That love is going to change, in a way, and I’m ready for it. But even if it changes for the worst, we have to set down the rule that it’s not going to interfere with your relationship with Rachel or my dads.”

Clenching his teeth, Kurt bursted to say, “But how can we make that a rule? How can we know that we’ll be _able_ to not let it interfere?”

“We don’t,” Blaine told him. “But we can’t let any of that stop us from breaking it off if we need to. I don’t want you to feel trapped.”

“Okay, why are we talking about breaking up if we just got together?” Kurt asked, a little annoyed.

Chuckling, Blaine shook his head, “We’re not talking about breaking up. We’re setting foundations. Didn’t you and Adam ever talk about things like this?”

“No,” Kurt said honestly, feeling like a child.

A fond smile tilted Blaine’s lips, and he rested his hand on Kurt’s stiff forearm. “We’ve been hiding from each other for so long. It’s important that we’re both honest with each other and communicate what we need and expect. And what I need from you is to know that there isn’t any pressure to date me because of our past, or because of Rachel and my dads. Nothing has to change about your relationship with them.”

Feeling his burden lighten slightly, Kurt was finally able to look away. “Oh. Yeah, that’s good,” he said lamely. “Sorry, but I didn’t exactly plan this conversation, so I don’t really know what life lessons I need to preach to you. You’ve spent way too long in therapy.”

Blaine was laughing again, and Kurt loved the sound like he never let himself before. “That’s okay, because I happen to already know quite a bit about your love language already, so I know what I’m getting into,” he boasted, sitting back in his chair. He pointed a finger at Kurt, “But don’t think I’m a mind reader, because you’re also one of the most confusing human beings ever, and as much as I enjoy the complexity, you do need to tell me if I’m doing something wrong. And don’t expect to be able to coast by not reciprocating, because I deserve to be _wooed_ , Kurt Hummel.”

Affronted, Kurt set down his cup a little harder than usual for the drama of it, “If you don’t think that I won’t _woo_ you, Blaine Anderson...”

“Well, I’m already winning, because as you can see, I bought you a _whole_ cheesecake,” he gestured to the ornate bag on the table, “so keep up.”

“I cannot be bought with material items,” Kurt lied, eyes betraying him and wandering toward the treat.

“Of course not,” Blaine humored him, and Kurt’s heart was pounding. It was strange- like he had entered an alternate universe, one where he and Blaine could banter as usual, but the subject matter… But it wasn’t an alternate universe. It had happened. Blaine reciprocated his feelings, and they were going to tell Rachel, and Finn, and his dad and Blaine’s dads, and what would become of it all? “Hey, what’s going on in that head,” Blaine asked him before his thoughts could drift any farther. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m happy.”

He said it before his thoughts could interrupt the honesty. He looked up in time to see Blaine’s expression melt. “Me too,” he replied softly, as though the words were precious.

Trying to be light, he added, “I’m also nervous.”

“When are you ever not?” Blaine contended. Kurt rolled his eyes. “If it weren’t for your nerves and overthinking, this could have all been over with a long time ago.”

“Well, hopefully not _over_.”

“Oh, definitely not,” Blaine raised his hands in innocence. “But I don’t think I know if I would change it, much. You needed the time, and perhaps it’s for the best we waited until you were mature enough.”

“So you were just waiting for me to ripen, is that it?” Kurt accused.

Humming, Blaine rested his chin in his hand, the honey color of his eyes twinkling, “Hmm, I would say that your second bout of puberty is coming along very nicely. And that decision to take yoga classes certainly helps.”

“Blaine Devon, are you telling me that you telling me that you have been _checking me out_?”

Flicking his eyes down, Blaine purred, “Closely.” Kurt could feel himself blushing again. “Respectfully. A healthy amount. I’m very lucky you turn down just about every other guy who takes interest in you, because I’m definitely not the only one who has noticed.”

“And you most certainly never got involved in ending any of my past relationships to clear the way for yourself,” Kurt said lowly, thinking of Adam. Blaine pursed his lips, shrugging, and not denying. Kurt raised his eyebrows.

“Well I never did anything _bad_ ,” Blaine defended. “I was just… friendlier with you when I noticed someone was looking. You never complained at the time.”

“So _you’re_ the reason I’m a virgin,” Kurt teased.

“Again with the virgin thing,” Blaine smiled.

“It’s a problem.”

Lowering his head, Blaine chuckled once, “Are you done with your coffee that I paid for?” There was still a little left, so Kurt downed the rest of it, shaking the empty cup. “You didn’t even have a doughnut,” Blaine reprimanded, and Kurt shrugged, unable to feel completely unashamed. “You’re impatient,” Blaine noted.

He knew he must have gone completely red, so he ducked his head. “Sorry.”

Suddenly, Blaine was in front of him, standing, but leaning over to Kurt’s sitting height. “Don’t be,” he all but whispered before pressing in close, and then they were kissing again. Certainly, it was not normal to feel the electricity of the kiss all of the way down to his toes, but when Blaine cupped the back of his head his entire body lit up.

Perhaps he should have jerked off earlier to prevent how embarrassingly needy he felt, bound to Blaine’s touch. When Blaine opened their mouths, a whiny noise left him before he could stop himself- which was awkward, except Blaine must not have thought so because he moaned loud enough to vibrate Kurt’s mouth in turn. He was in disbelief from all of it. The smell, the touch, the taste, the fact that it was _Blaine_ , that he was _allowed_ to do this now. It could have all still been a fantasy, but fantasies aren’t so solid.

After a few drawn out moments, Blaine’s hand began to travel. The feel of it had him a little antsy, wondering what he should be doing with his own hands. He wasn’t sure what the protocol would be, how people just knew what should come next; Blaine didn’t seem to have the same issue. His hand was feeling over Kurt’s chest, doing nothing but touching. Flushing, Kurt thought of the times he was with Adam, and how much he enjoyed but never told, never admitted, how much he loved when Adam would brush against a nipple.

That was embarrassing, right? Nipples were supposed to be for girls, right? He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to like it, so he never asked or even alluded to Adam to act on it. But Blaine’s hand dipped down to Kurt’s stomach to untuck his shirt, gaining access underneath it and trailing back. The pad of his thumb lingered on one, and Kurt’s whole body shivered. Blaine broke the kiss just barely to whisper, “Yes?”

Swallowing thickly, Kurt nodded, still nervous, but Blaine took to the response by pinching him, so it mustn’t be weird to be so turned on by it. Kurt expected Blaine’s lips to return to his own, but instead they went to his jaw. Anticipating the next spot, Kurt lifted his chin to expose his neck, because he _loved_ neck kisses, and if liking his nipples touched wasn’t something to be ashamed about, then he didn’t need to worry about hiding the spot under his ear. Blaine had chuckled at Kurt’s quickness, but the vibration felt great.

He lost himself in the kisses being placed all over his throat, not noticing that Blaine was working on undoing the buttons of his shirt until he felt the cold air over his abdomen. Breathing heavily, he looked down to watch as Blaine’s kisses went lower, breath hitching just as his tongue circled his nipple. “Oh my god,” his whole body shuddered when Blaine suckled lightly, and he was gripping Blaine’s biceps tightly.

With a wet pop, Blaine broke off of Kurt’s skin, resting his chin so that when he spoke, the air blew tauntingly over the sensitive nipple. “Would you prefer to go to the bedroom?”

Kurt’s eyes were already open, but he blinked them around the room as if his whereabouts had only just dawned on him. “We can just- go?” He asked, the idea somewhat foreign, the fact that they could pause what they were doing right in the middle of it. That’s not usually the way it played out in movies.

Blaine was chuckling at him again, getting up off of him so that Kurt felt cold. “Patience,” he teased, pulling Kurt by the wrist. “Beds are more comfortable.”

“We could- the couch,” Kurt noted, brain feeling fuzzy.

Eyes wide, Blaine looked at him with a bizarre amount of fondness despite his stern, “No.”

Letting himself be led to Blaine’s bedroom, Kurt desperately tried to ignore the tenting in his pants. He felt mortified at how hard he was, because they hadn’t been making out for long enough to warrant it. It was hard to forget, though, that Blaine had mentioned wanting to give Kurt a blowjob, and Kurt knew enough about his body to know that he was very excited at the prospect. “Come on, on the bed- wait-” Blaine prompted, but he pulled Kurt back into another kiss, apparently deciding that he wanted to grab Kurt by the ass again.

Gasping, Kurt let Blaine massage him, enjoying the feeling before plucking the courage to nose Blaine away and note, “You like my ass.”

“What makes you think that?” Blaine joked, pulling Kurt closer, and then their fronts were flush against each other. Kurt could feel Blaine’s entire length slotting up next to his own, relieved by more than the fact that Blaine seemed to be just as hard as he was.

Kurt surprised himself by rutting into it. “Blaine, I-” he paused to groan as Blaine swiveled his hips, “I am not going to last long.”

Blaine pecked his lips. “That’s hot,” he commented.

Swallowing down some of the airiness in his voice, Kurt teased, “So you do have a thing for me being a virgin.”

“I really do not,” Blaine laughed, squeezing Kurt’s ass again. “ _You’re_ the one who keeps bringing it up, because you’re impatient and trying to give me hints that, I promise you, I do not need.”

It was easier to hide his face by letting it fall back toward the ceiling, Blaine’s height in mind. “I’m not sure that I want-” Blaine thrusted forward, the pressure of it against Kurt’s erection sending a shiver through him, “the first time that I orgasm from someone else to happen before I even make it out of my pants. Which is an immediate problem.”

Blaine bit his shoulder and continued his motions pulling Kurt as if it was an excuse to squeeze his ass harder. “Is it?”

“ _Blaine_ ,” Kurt warned.

Giving Kurt one last slap, he released him. “Go lay down, then.” The sudden freedom was slightly daunting. He climbed onto the bed, making his way to the pillows before turning over, trying to not feel awkward. From the distance, the sight of Blaine took his breath away. He let himself admire how tousled his normally tamed hair had gotten. Kurt knew he had reapplied a quick dose of gel before leaving the house earlier, but Kurt’s fingers must have mussed it at some point.

Blaine had been eyeing him the same way, and Kurt winced at the thought of how he must look. But the moment didn’t last long, because Blaine followed him, stopping on his knees before where Kurt had instinctually folded his legs up in front of him. Softly, Blaine straightened them out, parting them around him in a way that had Kurt blushing down to his collar bone. For the first time that day, Kurt saw Blaine duck his own head. “I can’t believe I get to do this,” he admitted.

Heart pounding, Kurt agreed, “I can’t either.”

“You know I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The air around them ignited with a bizarre mixture of tension and relief. They had said those words to each other so many times in the past, but this one was different. Kurt couldn’t count the amount of times he desensitized himself to them as they fell from Blaine’s lips. He didn’t have to this time. Blaine fidgeted nervously. “I normally don’t say that so quick into a relationship.”

“I think we’ve waited long enough,” Kurt breathed.

“We really have,” Blaine sighed, still sounding a little nervous. Kurt bit his lip, letting himself drink in the sight of Blaine again while he had the chance. He had color in his face as well, though it didn’t show as predominantly against his darker tone. Kurt noticed that his pupils were so dilated that he could barely make out the honey color, which was a bit of a shame. Then he remembered how people’s eyes dilate when they’re in love and felt his chest flutter, so he wasn’t too sad to not see them. “Do you want to be naked?” Blaine asked. “You don’t have to be.”

Thinking it over, Kurt froze at the question. If all they were going to be doing was a blowjob, then certainly he did not have to be completely naked. Being naked would invite other things to the table, wouldn’t they? But as he thought about it, Kurt found that he trusted Blaine to not overdo his welcome. There was still some self-consciousness Kurt needed to work through, though. “C-Can you be naked, too?”

He raised an eyebrow. “I’d love to be,” he said, and Kurt smiled at his ridiculousness. And then he was lifting his shirt over his head, and Kurt’s seen Blaine’s chest before- they’ve been swimming together- but it was another moment when Kurt reveled in the fact that he was _allowed_ to look. His throat worked over hard as Blaine began to shimmy out of his pants, slipping his socks off with them and tossing them to the floor.

He wasn’t aware of how shamelessly he was staring until he met Blaine’s eyes again, which were amused. “You didn’t even fold them,” he managed to say in an octave too high.

“I own an iron,” Blaine attested. And Blaine was in just his boxer shorts, which were a fantastic shade of green against the tan of his skin, especially the spot at the tip of the tenting, which had gone just a shade darker. Kurt’s mind went blank at the realization. “Still okay?” he heard distantly.

Nodding, Kurt pried his eyes away. Blaine was incredibly naked, and Kurt wasn’t except the opening of his shirt, so he pulled the rest of it off. His hands shook at the button of his pants, but he managed to pull them over his hips enough to slip them off by the ankle.

He heard Blaine chuckle again and snapped his head toward him. “I was kind of looking forward to see you struggle to get out of those. Figures that you’re an expert at tight jeans.” Rolling his eyes, Kurt made quick work folding them hazardously and resting them on the nightstand, ignoring any more snickers coming from the other occupant of the room. He folded his clothes. There was no reason not to.

They were more naked than they had ever seen each other, including the time Blaine walked out of the shower in just a towel to yell at Rachel for using all of the hot water. Kurt remembered being unable to stop himself from ogling the V line for two frantic moments, then thoroughly scolding himself every time that his mind drifted to the memory for years afterwards. There was quite a bit left to the imagination, then, but now there was not much left-

Not any left. Blaine had pulled the last article of clothing off of himself, and Kurt stopped again. Blaine had foreskin, which was intriguing. Kurt had never seen another man naked before in person, but everyone that he had seen online were just about all circumcised. He had almost said something, but he didn’t want to make Blaine think that Kurt was upset by it in the slightest, because he _really_ wasn’t. In the slightest.

“Your turn?” Blaine purred, and Kurt swallowed again, his throat dry. He nodded, letting Blaine pull the last bit of fabric down his thighs. He felt ashamed for having stared at Blaine so blatantly, because he returned the gesture, making Kurt want to hide himself again. But Blaine simply parted his legs again, sitting between them and gazing down to where Kurt stood erect. He felt like maybe he should have trimmed himself a little better yesterday morning; but of course, why would he have thought that anyone else, let alone Blaine, would be seeing him?

If Blaine had any negative opinions, he masked them well, because he had his hand on Kurt’s hip and leaned over to continue their earlier kissing. Kurt felt himself deflate under them, his insecurities melting away with each pull of lips. Blaine was breathing heavily, and Kurt could have sworn he could feel Blaine’s length hanging over his own.

Soon, Blaine was trekking lower, stopping for a moment to flick his tongue over Kurt’s nipples again. Even being prepared for the sensation, Kurt still shivered. But Blaine was only there for a moment, kissing wetly down Kurt’s ribs, then over the soft part of his belly, then at the start of the coarse hairs. Kurt brushed against Blaine as he moved down, and even just that felt amazing, and he couldn’t imagine what he was about to endure, how different it would feel from his own hand on himself.

Blaine’s hand circled the base of Kurt’s cock, and Kurt buckled as it pulled upwardly, languish. It felt so, so different from doing it himself that he was glad Blaine gave him time to adjust to the sensation. Still, when Blaine pumped him again, Kurt twitched, grabbing onto the bedding for stability.

Then, something velvety and wet swiped around the head, and Kurt almost screamed out in pleasure. “Don’t hold back, okay?” Blaine said.

“What?” Kurt asked, looking down for the first time at Blaine between his legs, hand holding him steadily upright, poised to take him.

“This is about you enjoying it,” Blaine continued. “Come whenever you need to.”

Before Kurt could make sense of why Blaine needed to tell him that, he was being engulfed, and Kurt’s head fell back on the pillow again. Blaine was bobbing up and down on him, and Kurt didn’t have the mindset in him to be embarrassed; he had been in far too much bliss. Blaine’s mouth on him, hot and slick, was like nothing he had ever felt before, and Kurt was too close too fast. He bit his tongue, gripping the bed tight enough to hurt, forcing himself to breathe through the pleasure.

When Blaine moaned around him, Kurt bucked in instinct. “Sorry-” he said immediately, but Blaine had caught him mid-thrust and pushed him back down into the bed, preventing the intrusion. Barely missing a beat, Blaine continued his work.

Kurt could feel his climax approaching way too fast. He couldn’t stop himself from enjoying it, and he didn’t want it to be over. This is when Blaine’s words clicked in Kurt’s mind; Blaine didn’t want Kurt to feel ashamed for how quickly he would orgasm. He knew that he’d be having that argument with himself. “B-Blaine, I-” he warned, letting himself go, knowing that Blaine wouldn’t mind.

Blaine took to the warning by circling the head of Kurt’s cock with his tongue, making quick, even pumps along it with his hand. Kurt’s body clenched, his eyes shooting fireworks behind the lids as his orgasm washed over him. He twitched, feeling himself spill into Blaine’s mouth. When his muscles finally relaxed, Kurt lay motionless, overwhelmed by the sensations. He could feel Blaine kiss back up his chest and didn’t think twice about meeting Blaine for the kiss.

The taste was new and not unwelcome. Blaine was kissing him vigorously, and he was having trouble keeping up. It took him a moment to realize why- that Blaine hadn’t finished. He was stroking himself roughly, and Kurt’s breath caught at the sight. Breaking away, Kurt asked, “Can I?”

Blaine guided his hand down, helping Kurt fist him. Kurt expected Blaine to let go, but he held on, teaching Kurt the grip and speed that he needed. It wasn’t until a few moments later that he let go, slamming their lips together to let Kurt bring him the last several tugs over the edge. Kurt could feel Blaine’s shudder as his stomach was painted with white. After it was done, Blaine pressed the kiss again, having let it fall short mid-orgasm.

Unsure of how much longer he could, Kurt let himself give a few final pulls of Blaine’s dick, admiring the way the foreskin worked. Sure enough, Blaine flinched away, breaking the kiss. “Sorry,” Kurt apologized without meaning it too much. “I like your foreskin.”

Laughing, Blaine shook his head, “People usually do.” He caught his breath for a minute before adding, “Which is weird, because parents continue to circumcise their kids.”

“Yours didn’t,” Kurt noted.

Flopping down next to him, Blaine cuddled to Kurt’s side. “Filipino tradition is to wait until just before puberty. My parents died before they could get me under the knife.”

“Oh,” Kurt said awkwardly; he hadn’t wanted to bring up Blaine’s dead parents after they just had sex.

“It’s okay,” Blaine waved it off. “’Don’t really need lubrication to masturbate, so I’m good with it.” And then he had the thought of Blaine masturbating in his mind, which was nicely paired with the images still fresh in his mind. They were quiet for a minute, breathing and relaxing, Blaine’s nose nuzzling the crook of Kurt’s neck. “You okay?” Blaine voiced eventually.

Sighing, Kurt admitted, “Very. You?”

“Very,” Blaine parroted.

_o-O-o_

Kurt discovered that he was silly for having tried to hold back his orgasm, because it certainly did not mean that they were finished by any means. He came three more times that afternoon; twice by Blaine’s hand, once again by his mouth. He almost felt odd putting clothes back on and stepping out of the paradise that Blaine’s apartment had become, but they did schedule the dinner a few weeks ago. They could probably bail and use the excuse that they wanted to give Rachel and Finn privacy, but when he voiced that out loud Blaine gave him a disappointed, though a little mischievous, nod. Besides, he hadn’t eaten real food all day, and he was starving.

Their hands found each other’s the moment they stepped out into midtown, their trek of four avenues passing in pleasant silence; it gave Kurt time to admire the sentiment of it. As they got closer, Kurt could feel his anxiety about telling Rachel overcoming him again. When they finally made it to the restaurant, Kurt almost pulled away, but Blaine held him tight. “Oh, hey!” he had called, spotting Rachel as she and Finn had just cracked the door open. “Rachel!”

“Oh, we thought we were late!” She exclaimed, and Kurt’s hand burned as her eyes flitted across his face.

“The MTA is unpredictable,” Blaine explained, which was true, but they were _actually_ late because they had fallen asleep naked on each other. “How are things?” he asked, turning to the maître d’ to give his last name. They followed the waitress to a table cloaked in white linens.

Kurt observed the way Finn and Rachel shared a look. “Good,” Rachel nodded, and Finn smiled somewhat sadly. “We’re okay.”

“Yeah,” Finn ducked his head.

As she pulled her chair down to sit, she looked back at him. “Do you want to tell them your news?” At first, the sentence didn’t process. Blaine had pulled his chair back for him, and he was too busy overthinking the blatant action and trying not to swoon too much.

Finn cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah,” and Kurt made sure to listen as Blaine pushed him in. “I’ve got a job as a substitute teacher at McKinley. I might get called in for the summer classes, but it’ll pick up in the fall. And I’m going to be taking classes to get my license next semester at the community college.”

Taken aback, Kurt flustered to congratulate him, “Wow, Finn! That’s amazing! Congratulations!”

“That’s great! You’re going to be an awesome teacher,” Blaine added.

Ears turning red, Finn shrugged. “Yeah, it’s cool.”

“I told him that once he takes over Glee club when Mr. Schue eventually gets his promotion that I know a few seasoned vets that would love to share their wisdom,” Rachel said brightly.

“Well, you’ll have your Tony by then, so I’d say you’d be a pretty good guest,” Finn complimented, much to Rachel’s ego. She smiled at him with all of her teeth, and Kurt and Blaine shared a look.

They took several minutes looking over the menu. Kurt felt Blaine’s fingers at the back of his hand again where it rested on the white tablecloth. It was in full view, and Rachel was watching, but he let Blaine interlock their fingers with held breath. They kept at it, Kurt even gaining the courage to swipe his thumb along Blaine’s pinky finger, until after they ordered their food.

Eventually, Rachel couldn’t keep quiet anymore. “So, anything new with you guys?” She asked, blatantly eyeing their hands.

“No,” Kurt said instinctually.

Blaine laughed, shaking his head, and Kurt watched Rachel’s eyes latch onto her brother’s. “We’re dating,” Blaine corrected him bluntly.

“YOU ARE?!” Rachel screamed far too loudly, an unhealthy amount of excitement on her face. “ _Really_?!”

Face heating up Kurt took a long drink of his water. “Yes, really,” Blaine insisted, and to Kurt’s horror Rachel stood up and was suddenly hugging him.

Through several ‘ _oh my god_ ’s and ‘ _I can’t believe this_ ’s, she hugged them both twice in turn. “I’ve always known that your kids were going to call me Aunt Rachel, but now it’s like, finally a _real thing_!” she squealed to Kurt.

“Okay, okay, it’s not that big of a deal!” Kurt shushed her, urging her back to her seat because she was making a scene.

“It is too a big deal! You guys are like, a decade late with this, you know!” she reprimanded. “My best friend and my brother! This is so exciting!”

“Yeah, seriously,” Finn agreed, nodding to Kurt. “I think Puck and Sam had a bet. Not sure who won, but for a while there it looked like Santana had it with the ‘Not Until They’re Thirty’ placement.”

Hiding his face in his hands, Kurt groaned. Blaine rubbed his back. “So what happened? Who confessed to whom?” Rachel asserted, looking between the two of them with a sort of hunger in his eyes Kurt wasn’t fond of.

Blaine eyed him carefully, and Kurt sighed his defeat. “Well, he kissed me out of nowhere and then tried to run away. I had to break it out of him by confessing it in words first.”

Clapping to herself, Rachel gave a childish squeal. “Gosh, the two of you are so silly,” she dropped her hand to her heart, giving a look that could melt chocolate. “I’m so happy for you two. You guys really deserve each other. Have you told our dads yet?”

“I was going to call my dad once I got back home,” Kurt admitted softly.

“Proud of you, Mr. ‘Nothing’s New’.”

Kurt glared at Blaine, knowing that it wasn’t very convincing considering how he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “I can’t _not_ tell my dad!”

“But you weren’t going to tell me!” Rachel teased.

“My dad isn’t going to start _screaming_ it all across the restaurant!”

_o-O-o_


	7. Epilogue

_o-O-o_

Four years to the day later, Kurt was floundering about in Central Park, trying to get Blaine to _ride the damn boat,_ because _no, we can’t walk over that specific bridge_. But he couldn’t say that out loud without rising suspicion. Why the hell did Blaine pick that specific bridge to want to cross? They were going to run into _every one of their friends_ , and what kind of excuse would Kurt be able to come up with then? Hopefully they were hiding well enough after his text to Rachel, because Blaine was being _insistent_.

“Blaine, I _really_ want to ride the boat right now,” Kurt all but whined, because they were getting closer and Kurt could see Brittany very clearly in her bold yellow dress and it was only a matter of time before Blaine noticed Nick and Jeff by the ice cream stand.

“Kurt, please? It’ll just be a minute!” Blaine begged him, those honey eyes wide and shimmering and Kurt cursed himself. Maybe he wouldn’t notice the large banner Kurt attached to the side of the bridge, or the fact that just about every face he saw was going to be someone he knew.

Groaning, hoping that all of his plans weren’t going to be ruined, he let himself be pulled.

A very familiar face was suddenly right in front of him as soon as the start of the bridge was under his feet. “ _Rachel_ ,” he hissed through his teeth. “ _What are you doing here_ ,” he tried to play it off, giving her a look as if to kill.

“I’m giving you this flower,” she said brightly, and then confusingly enough he was being handed a single yellow rose. In his confusion, he blinked at her.

“Take it,” Blaine said, and so Kurt did.

Voices started ringing out all around him, and he panicked, because their musical friends had just ruined it all- _they weren’t in the boat yet_ \- but then he realized that the song choice was off. This wasn’t the song they were supposed to be singing at all.

Several musical bars of complete confusion assaulted him, and then Finn was handing him a red rose, then Sam another yellow one, Mercedes a red, and on and on until he had a full bouquet of red and yellow flowers. He turned in time to see the perfectly choreographed number of both their New York and Ohio friends, and then Blaine was singing to him.

Kurt had half a mind to laugh throughout the whole thing. He probably would have, but the ornateness of it all was perfect, and the Beatles always reminded him of his dad- his dad who was here, sitting up against the thick stone railing of the bridge, next to Carole and Hiram and LeRoy. The one with the sign hanging from it. He let himself be serenated, clutching his flowers and trying to stop himself from shaking.

The song came to a close, and Blaine was in front of him again. They were in the middle of the bridge, their audience of friends and onlookers in a wide circle around them, giving them enough space it was as though they had privacy.

“Kurt Hummel,” Blaine began, and Kurt’s heart was pounding out of his chest. “I met you when I was ten years old, during the hardest year of my life. You were best friends with my little sister, and I got to watch you grow up. It’s hard to say exactly when I fell in love with you. It might have been four years ago, when we finally got together. It might have been when you were sixteen, and I kissed you as if it were instinct, as if my soul knew something before I did. It might have been when you were six, and you made me understand what it meant to heal. It feels like I’ve loved you for lifetimes.” He moved in closer, grabbing both of Kurt’s hands, eyes shining and deep. “And like I’m going to continue to love you for lifetimes to come. What I know for sure, though, is that I can’t stand the thought of not loving you for the rest of this lifetime, whatever that entails.” Kurt watched as Blaine reached into his pocket for something square, pulling back just barely. “So, Kurt Hummel. My amazing best friend-”

“Wait. Blaine,” Kurt interrupted, unable to hold himself back and just barely stopping Blaine from getting on his knee. Blaine blinked at him, a quick look of concern on his face. Kurt laughed uneasily. “Please come over here. Look at this.”

Stiffly, Blaine followed. Kurt had to mimic to Blaine to lean over the railing, to read the large banner hanging on the side of the railing, the one he was supposed to read after sailing under the bridge and having been serenaded by the exact same friends, the one that read “ _Blaine, will you marry me_?”

After the moment it took Blaine to read the sign from the awkward angle, Blaine was laughing, and so was their audience. Acting quick, Kurt was down on his knee with his own ring box propped open. The audience roared, and Blaine turned to see him and slapped a hand to his blushing face. “You’re _kidding_!” he screamed, and Kurt was smiling so wide he was sure his face was going to ache for weeks.

Their music started up again, this time with _At Last_ , like Kurt had planned, because he knew how much Blaine loved the standard.

“Oh my god, yes, Kurt! _Yes_!” Blaine fumbled to say, falling down to wrap Kurt in the tightest embrace Kurt could remember ever receiving. They kissed like that, both of them on their knees, Blaine holding Kurt’s face as if he was planning on merging them into one.

When they eventually broke apart, they both yelled at Rachel. She admitted that they individually came to her on the same day with their separate public proposal ideas. Right down to making sure they had the same date, sending out secret second emails and orchestrating both songs to be sung, she made sure that they would both be able to propose to each other. It needed to be _perfect_.

And it was.

_o-O-o_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this one!!! I've been working on it for literal years.


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